Breakups suck. Having gone through one myself this past month, this article is comprised of pieces of advice that I received in the days and weeks following as well as some of the advice that I wish I had received and lessons I have learned (you’re welcome).
Rely on Friends for Support
Times of loss often show you who loves you unconditionally. Relying on those that you trust will provide you with some perspective and transform a time of loss into one of reflection. In past relationships, I have associated too much of my worth with partners and, in doing so, have focused less energy into the development of my relationships with friends. It wasn’t until after this breakup that I truly appreciated the importance of having a strong support system, and I’m never going back. Not only will relying on the support of your friends help you recover emotionally, but it will also allow you to feel closer to them.
Allow Yourself to Feel EVERYTHING
It can be tempting to dull your emotions or use coping mechanisms to distract yourself (I’m extremely guilty of this), but allowing yourself to feel all the feels will cleanse you in a way and help you move past the hurt towards growth. After my breakup, I was reminded that emotional expression is not just alright, but is healthy. We often get caught up in “winning” breakups, a part of which involves acting like we don’t feel our emotions; though, we must acknowledge that emotion is what makes us human and ignoring it will only hurt us more.
Limit your Contact
Maintaining a clean contact cut with your ex will give you the time you need to heal and begin moving forward for yourself. If you’re like me, you see the value in eventually rekindling a friendship with your ex, but you should acknowledge that doing so too soon after the breakup may leave you feeling confused and could derail the healing process, as I have experienced. This can be difficult and definitely requires courage, but waiting to assess that friendship until you’re fully over them is a sign of strength and is imperative in preserving your independence.
Recognize the Positive
Though it may feel like the end of your world, sometimes a breakup can be a good thing (yes, I said it). No matter the reasoning behind it, its occurrence might mean that the two of you simply were not meant to be together. As cliché as it sounds, I am a genuine believer in the concept that everything in life happens for a reason and that what is meant for you will come to you. Sometimes timing is wrong, sometimes lessons are unknown and sometimes you have to learn from your mistakes and move on. Breakups are a change, and change is a defining part of life.
Focus on Bettering Yourself
Because I have spent the majority of my adolescence in long-term relationships, I have always been one to channel most of my energy into my partner and spending time with them. This breakup allowed me to further understand the importance of investing myself in figuring out my passions and finding my life’s purpose without a partner. Whether this means trying out a new hobby or practicing self-reflection, I suggest that you dedicate time to learn more about what makes you, you. At the end of the day, your most important relationship is with yourself.
Don’t Rush into Something New
Trust me, I know how tempting it is to search for consistency in attention or companionship, but rushing into any kind of romantic relationship with someone new before you’re fully over your ex will ultimately hurt you and that other person. I previously found myself in a situation too soon after a breakup that left me even more emotionally confused and was NOT conducive to the healing process. It may not seem like it but there is no doubt that you will find your person. However, immediately after a breakup is not the optimal time to be looking.
No relationship will EVER define who you are as an individual, no matter how difficult its end may be. Sometimes it can even take the change brought about by a breakup to teach you valuable life lessons. The ability to remain optimistic in the wake of the loss of a best friend or significant other has taught me to value myself and has helped me grow as a person.
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