I sat on the couch and my heart jumped into a panic. Was this real? I received the phone call after a long day at the library finishing up my lab report. I held the phone to my ears once again trying to get the words out from my cousin giving me the broken-hearted news. Are you serious or joking? Being known for his comical personality, I couldn’t get myself to believe him. As the doorbell rang, I saw the tears and heard the desperate cry of my mom as she walked into the house. I couldn’t get myself together to be strong for her, my eyes filled with angry hot tears. How is she no longer in this world? I just talked to her, face-to-face last week. We parted ways and she gave me the longest hug when she was dropped off at the airport, returning home to Guatemala. Holding the last of her things made me wonder why she left them behind. She passed away in a hospital due to a heart attack. She had never had problems with her heart and to leave this world due to it made me upset with the man above. Why did he not give us a sign to check in with her health? She always seemed healthy and cheerful.
A few days later, we gathered to mourn the death of our precious and tenderhearted grandmother and had a wake for her, celebrating her life and giving her a burial that respected her wishes. A week had gone by since her passing and the semester seemed to creep on me with exam after exam and paper after paper. I found myself trying to get back on track, after taking a few days off for myself and to help my mom with the funeral arrangements. Returning to class was tough because my mind began to wander. I thought about all the small moments that I had with my grandmother and all of the important moments in my life where she was present. Then I thought about the future and my graduation and how she wouldn’t be there to witness these special moments with me. She was one to stay up late with me as I finished my assignments. Even though she didn’t speak any English, she managed to make an impact in my life by giving advice about having goals and aspiring for a better future.
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I tucked my head as far as it could go in my jacket, I didn’t want anyone to see the tears that were streaming down my face after studying for an exam that I thought I was going to fail. I missed a week of class trying to learn the material. I noticed that I was going through the stages of grief, something I learned in psychology, for my grandmother’s sudden death. I talked to my mom about the struggle I was having in my classes and how I was feeling. I was depressed and started to feel different. I began meeting with a counselor and with my academic advisor about what my options were when it came to drop a class or not. I found it most difficult when I had to talk to my professors. My professors were all kind and gave their condolences which was a blessing because they could’ve had me consider dropping the class or even not excusing my absence. Meeting new people in the courses I was enrolled in was another thing that I was grateful for because they provided me with their notes and their ears whenever I need someone to talk to.
It’s a step-by-step process when trying to cope with the heart and mind because emotions seem to try to take control and make you forget about the things around you like family, school and yourself. I completed the semester with the help of my support system and I know that my grandmother would’ve been proud of me for completing the semester. A reminder for those considering quitting school or going through difficult times, it’s important to start with yourself care and creating a plan.
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