If you ask any person who has been a child in the middle of a divorce, they will describe an interesting phenomenon of repeating holidays. Whether it be Christmas, birthdays or Thanksgiving, most divorced families have the habit of transferring kids from one parent to another in the middle of these “big” holidays. I have clear, core memories of meeting in a parking lot on Christmas day to be transferred from my mom to my dad or vice versa during the first several years of my life. If you have never been a parent or child in a divorced situation, then you probably think this sounds super shady and bizarre, and I don’t judge you for that; in fact, I kind of envy you for it.
While “important” holidays like Christmas warranted a mid-day shift, Halloween did not. Unfortunately, I always ended up at my father’s house for the October holiday filled with candy, friends and playing dress-up. However, this did not stop my mother, who wanted to make sure that I had a Halloween experience, where I could eat candy, pick a costume that I wanted, and hang out with my friends. Every year, before the actual holiday, my mom threw a Halloween party, but I didn’t realize that we were celebrating early when I was too young to notice. She allowed me to invite some of my friends from school, and of course, she asked her closest friends and their children. While we couldn’t trick or treat, the party often had cookie decorating, scavenger hunts, karaoke and spooky movie viewings. It was extravagant by no means, but I looked forward to it and my mom’s signature frozen Sprite cubes with gummy worms sticking out every year.
At the time, I had no idea how important these memories would be. I had no idea that they would be some of the happiest of my childhood or that they would end up replacing the bad memories of the actual Halloween nights. I had no idea how grateful I would be for all the planning that my mom and my grandma put into these nights or how grateful I would be for my mom’s willingness to put up with a bunch of kids on a sugar-high running around. I had no idea how amazing it was that all of these parents took time out of their busy schedules to bring their kids to a Halloween party for a little girl who didn’t know she needed it.
I am writing this article because I want to be vulnerable, and I want to let children of divorce know that they are not alone in their discomfort. I want to have the chance to reach some parents who are struggling with custody schedules and missing holidays with their kids and let them know that it is okay to get creative to make those good memories. Lastly, I want to encourage teens and adults who were in my place to look back on their parents’ actions. In most cases, we overlook the sacrifices and things that our parents do for us. If this is the case, reach out to your parent(s), tell them “thank you,” and remind yourself to remember that moment during your next conflict. For me specifically, it was and is my mom, and I thank her all the time for all she did to make sure I was happy and safe during my childhood. She made numerous sacrifices that I can’t even begin to cover in this short article; not that written words would ever be sufficient.
In our society, we have a habit of valuing tradition and doing things a specific way; however, is it really wrong to break tradition if it makes a person happy? Why should Halloween or any other holiday be limited to one day a year? I’ll leave you with this, celebrate Halloween all month long. Heck, celebrate it all year if you like. Just make those good, happy memories that will last a lifetime for not just you, but everyone involved.
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