WARNING: The following post may bring up painful memories. If you are still experiencing chest pain, dizziness, or nausea from recent events involving a certain boy band, who’s name I will not say due to your unstable condition, do not read on.
At 9:30 a.m. Wednesday, March 25 One Direction released a statement on their Facebook page revealing that Zayn Malik was leaving the band. The following events are actual accounts of what transpired from fans across the world.
Wednesday 9:31am
1. Disbelief
When you first heard the news you probably laughed at first. Thinking there’s no way it’s true. “OF COURSE!” you quickly thought to yourself… It’s a prank. “I’m sure Nial put the boys up to this. He’s always joking around.” Haha good one, you sly dog; you almost got me. Oh man, you’ll laugh about this for years you innocently thought, while you waited for your heart rate to slow to a normal pace.
Wednesday 9:32am
2. Literal collapse
Then you realized it’s not April fools. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. The room started to spin. Your laughter suddenly went out of control until before you knew it you were crying hysterically. “Why are there birds in here?” you think. Then darkness.
Wednesday 5:30pm
3. Depressing realization that everything has changed… EVERYTHING!
Some time later you came to. “What happened?” Terrible thoughts ran through your mind. “What a nightmare that was. Wait a minute… Oh no…”
Wednesday 5:32pm
4. Searching for support and wisdom
You reached for your phone. You needed to talk to someone, anyone to sort through what’s happened. Then you remembered you’re in your 20s and none of your friends even know who Zayn is. So you call your little sister. She’s 10. She’ll understand.
Wednesday 6pm
5. Happiness from food
You considered fasting as an act of rebellion. Maybe if enough people do it, word will get to Zayn and he’ll come back. How can you even eat at a time like this?! It’s perfect! Then you realized you need ice cream and you need it now. You might as well gain some pounds. It’s not like you’ll ever go outside again. So you gorged yourself with all the sweets you could find while listening to “I Will Remember You” by Sarah Mclachlan, which you can find here. Trust me, it helps.
Wednesday 10pm
6. Puppies
Eventually food alone wouldn’t cut it. You had to find a way to feel better. So you did what you always did when you’re sad. You Googled pics of cute puppies. This works for a while until you came across this
It’s all over now.
We all do, Josh.
Wednesday 10:25pm
7. Excessive need for answers
At this point you may as well just take it. You’ve been avoiding looking at your walls because no matter where you turn there’s One Direction staring at you with their great hair and charming smiles… * sigh * You frantically started Googling recent interviews with the boys and fan blogs. How did this happen?! You must get to the bottom of this. Maybe there were signs that you missed. (This took all night. No time for sleep.)
Thursday 8:05am
8. New realization that you’ll never understand
But there’s nothing. It makes no sense. The rest of the group is just as upset as you. You wanted to think there’s still hope but you knew there’s not. You started to wonder what you’re going to do with your life now. You still haven’t recovered from the Jonas Brothers break up and now this?!
Thursday 8:12am
9. Short moment of insanity
For a split second you imagined starting to like Justin Bieber but immediately realize that’s a terrible idea and vow never to speak of it to anyone. It’s okay, these are desperate times.
Thursday 8:13am
10. Anger
How could he do this? Sure, Harry is your favorite but Zayn was a close second. Now everything was ruined. You didn’t even get to see them in concert yet! Or maybe you did but once is not enough.
Thursday 9:30am
11. Mourning
Suddenly the anger faded and you were left with emptiness. You forced yourself to go to your 10 o’clock class but you wore nothing but black in mourning. Color implies happiness. And that just wouldn’t feel right.
Now here you are feeling lost and alone, still wearing black. Well Collegiettes, I’m here to tell you that this too shall pass. We have to stick together and start working on our new, a-little–less-than-perfect lives.
Look at it as a way to start over. Buy yourself something nice.
Together we can work to move on but never forget.
*Wipes tear*
JUST KIDDING! Keep believing that this is all a bad dream. Life is better that way. Forever in denial!