Each year, society seems to obsess over some sort of “being” that isn’t totally human like vampires, witches or zombies. Well, in case you’ve missed it, 2016 is all about creepy clowns.
All over the country, clown sightings are being reported, causing the coulrophobic in all of us to cringe at the idea of these creeps showing up in our own states, cities or neighborhoods. Or if you’re like me, you’re freaking out at night because you live alone and there could be a clown right outside—or worse, inside—your home.
So far, at least 37 states have reported clown sightings. While some of these have been deemed as mere hoaxes and false threats, too many others have been more legitimate sightings, like this one seen in Ocala, FL or the reported sightings in Thomasville, GA, both of which are too close to FSU for my taste.
And the clowns are getting closer to visiting our beloved campus as we speak. The clowns have expanded their territory beyond neighborhoods and grade schools, where they apparently try to lure kids into the woods. Now these freaks have dared to come onto college campuses.
You probably heard about the rioting and clown hunting that went on at Pennsylvania State University last Monday, where hundreds of students charged across campus in search of the villain, chanting (quite appropriately), “F*ck that clown!” Fortunately—or unfortunately, depending on how you see it—no clown was ever found, the sighting being considered a hoax by police. PSU is not the only college campus that has had clown scares thus far, however. Dozens of other universities have been on the hit list of alleged clown sightings, like Syracuse and the University of Massachusetts. Could FSU be next?
With Halloween quickly approaching, we can only expect to hear more and more reports of these creepy clowns freaking the literal f*ck out of people. And now that everyone knows the dramatic reactions that college students are having, there would be no surprise to learn of other clowns daring into university campuses to see if they can cause the same kind of response. FSU students are just as likely to see a freak walking around Westcott, waiting for someone to come get thrown in the fountain on their 21st.
Let me warn the clowns out there now, though: DO NOT COME TO FSU. You are not welcomed. We are perfectly happy with the clowns we have in our Flying High Circus. Besides, with a crime index of three (100 being the safest), Tally is not exactly the place you want to pull off jokes like this. Sure, you’ll scare the hell out of a lot of students, but eventually someone a little more courageous (or stupid, depending on how you look at it) will come along and decide to beat you—or worse. Probably worse.
And if you’re one of those people stupid enough to join the bandwagon and dress up as a clown for Halloween this year (like I’m probably going to do, to be honest), at least be smart about it. Don’t walk around alone and/or silent, being all creepy. Stay with a group of friends (unless you’re all wearing clown costumes because that’s just a scene from my nightmares) and get obviously tipsy enough to where no bystanders can possibly think of you as a threat.
Stay safe, Noles. And when the time comes, happy clown hunting.