Be strong, be independent, do things for yourself. This is the mantra us Collegiettes hear constantly from the media, motivational posters, and probably our own mothers. However is this relatively modern self-empowerment movement really working? This question is something I’ve given a lot of thought to being back at FSU this semester. In college especially there seems to be a huge outward push for an inward change in how women conduct themselves. In the media celebrities are constantly advising women to be not just independent but autonomous, and while I fully support women wanting to break through the glass ceiling I have noticed an adverse effect. After surveying several FSU men in relationships with some FSU women (these men desire to remain nameless for obvious reasons) the response was unanimous. When asked how men felt about the new empowered women they mostly shrugged and said they like it because the more she does for herself the more she does for me and the less I have to do at all. Though this reaction is not a groundbreaking discovery (men don’t want to have to do any more than they have to) it is also a little bit unnerving. Have we gone past the point of equality and taken on a dominant role in relationships? Don’t get me wrong I am in no way trying to imply that women should not try to improve and better themselves but in this case it seems like we may have stepped over a line and strangled what little chivalry remained in this world.
The reason I have become so acutely aware of this is because I have been my own case study. A few weeks ago I was going about my usual juggling act trying to do a million things at once and balance everything (because I thought I had to prove something to myself) and I found myself chiding my boyfriend for not doing whatever it was that I asked him to do. It seemed that the more I did the less he tried to help. At first I wrote it off as him being lazy, but later that week I talked to my mom on the phone and she noticed that I sounded frazzled and I told her about what a hectic schedule I had and that I was annoyed because my boyfriend wasn’t helping me. Instead of agreeing with me that he was being lazy she sighed and said that I was overworking myself and not giving him permission to help me. I didn’t listen to her at first but after giving the matter a little more thought I decided there might be more to the story.
Although I do believe women should be self-reliant some of us (myself included) have taken our empowerment to a point where our need to be busy and successful was based in pride. After talking to other FSU women they admitted to overachieving because they felt they had to prove something and that it cause their significant others to feel that they didn’t have to try as hard because their girlfriend would pick up the slack. Hearing this brought me back to something else my mom said about doing enough for yourself, but not doing too much in order to prove something to the world.