On Oct. 13, Daniel (Dan) Howell and Phil Lester uploaded a YouTube video to one of their shared channels confirming that they’ve been in a romantic relationship for the past 16 years. Needless to say, they’ve been trending on Tumblr for the last few days.
“My ex broke a decade-long no contact over this,” wrote one YouTube commenter. “The longest slow burn in my life. I have to pay taxes now guys,” wrote another.
The video, titled “Are Dan and Phil in a Relationship? The Truth”, went into depth about the duo’s experiences with fan speculation about the nature of their relationship. For several years, a romantic ship of the duo (referred to as “Phan”) has remained a pillar of the online fandom space, with fans of the ship, “Phannies,” creating edits, fan art, and fanfiction.
This upload, though, has prompted a moment of reflection for members of the “Phandom” and might even serve as a way to reflect on the culture that online fandoms create.
Parasociality in Toxic Fandoms
When fandoms begin developing inappropriate and harmful characteristics, they’ve reached the point of being known as “toxic.” Toxic fandoms aren’t new; in fact, they’ve been around for as long as fan communities have. In 1893, Arthur Conan Doyle killed off Sherlock Holmes… until fans met the move with outrage and harassment, leading to the character being brought back.
Now, toxic fandoms are often characterized by constant infighting, ship wars, doxing, gatekeeping, review bombing, and an obsessive ownership over media, characters, and even real people. Case in point? Parasocial relationships.
A parasocial relationship describes a one-sided feeling of intimacy that a person feels towards someone, namely, a public figure or fictional character. There’s no mutual connection between the fan and the subject of the relationship, but to the fan, they feel the emotions associated with that connection.
The etymology of parasociality demonstrates this duality, with “para-” having multiple meanings, including to be near or alongside, but also to be faulty, abnormal, or outside of. It stands true that Dan and Phil were the focal point of one of the most parasocial fandoms.
“You see, being a fan of Dan and Phil was just as much about their funny content as it was the secret mirror world of content that was solving the alternate reality game of their relationship,” Lester described.
Amidst the creation of fan art and fanfiction, some members of the Phandom dedicated their presence in the community to sniffing out “clues” towards a secret relationship between the two. Compilation videos would spread across YouTube and Tumblr alike, highlighting the “evidence” of a secret relationship.
“In my mid-20s, I felt we had to hide the relationship because I was still hiding who I was to my friends, family, myself,” Howell said in their video. “This is why all of the digging from people online hit a nerve, because Phil was my safe space. […] what we had was the most important thing to me and I wanted to protect it, so when other people tried to grab it and drag it into the light, I felt completely violated.”
Arguably, the worst part of the Phandom was the doxing. Over the years, fans have attempted to find the locations where the duo have recorded videos, with some fans going out of their way to record them in places like supermarkets, hoping to gain extra content of the two.
This behavior can quickly become intrusive and dangerous, but is that all fandom is? A space that encourages unhealthy, obsessive behavior? Not quite.
The Community that Fandoms Form
The shipping of real people has always been, and likely always will be, a heavily debated topic in fan culture, and Dan and Phil have accepted this.
“It’s human nature to be nosy, but we accept it’s just a fact,” said Howell. “We don’t care, we can’t live in fear anymore, or have this holding us back personally, emotionally, or from doing this.”
In fact, in their video, the duo encourages people who create fan art and fanfiction of them, acknowledging that it’s a creative pursuit that serves not only as a form of expression for the artist but for the community that it attracts.
At their core, fandoms are spaces for people with similar interests, passions, and morals to connect with each other. The Phandom space, in particular, has cultivated an open and safe space for artists, writers, gamers, and especially, members of the LGBTQ+ community.
“It’s welcoming, it’s inclusive for all types of people,” Lester said. Howell continued this sentiment by highlighting the good deeds that the Phandom has accomplished as a community. “We did charity birthday live streams and raised tens of thousands of dollars,” he said. “That is the people that you are a part of right now, watching this video.”
It’s why the duo felt comfortable acknowledging their relationship. They felt that over the years, the online space surrounding their fans has improved, becoming less focused on the lives of the individuals creating content, and rather the shared identity that the community has created; a shared identity of acceptance, empowerment, and companionship.
“Listen. Not our business. Never been our business. Fully aware it’s parasocial,” wrote a YouTube commenter. “But after all these years, I’m both very, very happy for you both and feeling a bizarre sense of relief.”
Ten years ago, you might’ve had to dive into the depths of Instagram hashtags, Amino, and Tumblr to find fan spaces, all with the goal of finding people to connect with. With the rise of TikTok and interest graph algorithms, though, fandom communities seem more accessible than ever.
As these spaces continue to develop and emerge, it’s important to remember what the Phandom has taught us. These spaces are for shared connection and community identity, and if done right, they can become spaces that encourage acceptance and compassion for everyone involved.
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