As a theater major, I’ve become all too familiar with rejection. My love for performing began to fade away as auditioning felt meaningless and would only lead to more disappointment.
However, that feeling changed at the beginning of the spring semester when I auditioned for a new play entitled Stigmata, produced by Side B Society, a student theater organization on campus. After receiving a callback and auditioning in the lobby of the fine arts building, I was eventually cast as Johanna, a complex character that I could analyze and truly make my own.
During our first rehearsal, I immediately understood this show’s importance in such a tumultuous political climate. Stigmata is a provocative new horror play written and directed by senior theater major Maddie Rainer. It delves into the dangers of groupthink. Inspired by Rainer’s experiences attending a Catholic high school, the play uses religion as a powerful tool to explore the complex issue of identity in a closed-minded community.
Playing Johanna, a student who suddenly develops prophetic abilities and miraculously saves a classmate’s life, was incredibly rewarding. Discovering how her newfound powers destroyed her physically was a challenge that excited me, specifically at the end of Act I when she rips off the bandages from her hand and reveals to her classmates and the audience that she has Stigmata, bodily wounds that correspond to those of the crucified Jesus Christ.
This scene was one of the most intense moments in the play and required deep exploration in rehearsal. I had to discover effective ways to portray pain without physically experiencing it; I had to imagine what it would feel like to have literal holes in my hands.
During this process, Rainer gave me a crucial note: “The pain should feel like it’s searing.” I immediately connected this to the sensation of pouring alcohol on a wound, the sharp, stinging pain that forces you to grit your teeth, take a deep inhale, and hold your breath. That reaction of breath became a valuable tool in portraying Johanna’s suffering.
I focused on my breath throughout the scene, taking four shallow breaths followed by two deep ones. I repeated this pattern until the moment the pain was meant to become unbearable, culminating in me collapsing to the ground, screaming in agony. This approach allowed my scream to feel natural.
Finding these small but crucial details in my performance was only possible because of the supportive rehearsal space that the cast built. Having a cast and director who were passionate about the story allowed me to take risks and make bold choices without the fear of looking stupid. That kind of trust is rare, but it’s one of the most valuable aspects of creating theater.
After Johanna’s Stigmata is revealed, the girls at the school declare her their savior, forming a cult with her at its center. As the actor playing Johanna, I needed to pinpoint the exact moment when it became clear that her prophetic abilities might not be divine, but rather a curse from the devil.
This moment occurs in Act II, when Johanna, in a frantic haze, prays to God; however, each time she utters the word God, she experiences excruciating pain. At that moment, she realizes that it’s not a gift from God but a punishment from the Devil, and He demands Johanna kill him.
Horrified, Johanna refuses, but her defiance comes at a price: as punishment, the devil blinds her, warning that he will continue taking from her until she obeys.
Despite her resistance, the cult grows more desperate to preserve their savior, Johanna. Their leader, Sloane, exploits Johanna’s suffering for her gain, renaming the school after her and parading her in front of the entire student body.
One of the most unsettling moments in the play occurs during an assembly scene featuring a gender-swapped rendition of “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands,” aptly titled “She’s Got the Whole World in Her Hands.” The house lights come on during this moment, and the cult members turn to the audience to urge them to sing along. This use of alienation directly challenges the audience, forcing them to confront their complicity in the events unfolding before them.
The final scene of Stigmata was the most intense to perform. When Johanna refuses to do the sacrifice, the cult takes matters into their own hands. They abduct a fellow student, preparing to kill her in Johanna’s name; desperate to stop them, Johanna finally seizes control by stabbing herself. This horrifying act shatters the illusion of her divinity, sending the cult into chaos as they turn on one another in a horrific fight.
This was one of the most technically challenging sequences to create. We worked extensively on stage combat, learning how to fall safely (on muscles, not joints) and understanding how the body instinctively reacts to a stab wound. We knew muscles tighten around the knife to slow bleeding, making it harder to pull out.
Each moment was meticulously choreographed before we ran the entire scene as an ensemble. During performances, we used blood packets to heighten the horror, adding a visceral element that shocked audiences.
The play ended with a haunting monologue from Cassandra, one of the few survivors. Though she never joined the cult, she admits her guilt for standing by and doing nothing, serving as a powerful reminder that silence in the face of violence is just as dangerous as the violence itself.
Provocative theater is essential in a political climate that weaponizes women’s suffering to justify oppression and enforce complicity. Student theater has the unique freedom to create without the constraints of mass appeal or fear of public outrage.
We control what we produce, what we perform, and what message we send. This freedom allows us to make art that unsettles us. In times of political unrest, this isn’t just important, it’s necessary.
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