The views represented in this article are the author’s own and do not represent the views of Her Campus FSU.
This past week it came to light that there has been an accusation of sexual assault against comedian Aziz Ansari. You might know him from his shows Parks and Recreation or Master of None. However, while one young Brooklyn-based photographer is also familiar with Ansari through his presence across various forms of media, the lasting memory she holds of him is from the worst night of her life. The anonymous woman shared her story with the online publication babe. For the sake of her anonymity, she was referred to by the pseudonym, Grace. I will be using the same name for her in this article.
After meeting the actor/comedian at an Emmy Awards after party, the two exchanged numbers and arranged a dinner a few days later. She details their seemingly normal date night that quickly took a turn for the worst once they reached his apartment. From that point on Ansari initiated things quite quickly. His advances made his date extremely uncomfortable, which she states she communicated to him through both verbal and nonverbal cues. There were several instances where she verbally expressed that she was not comfortable and also felt she communicated through her body language that she was not into it. The encounter ended with Grace crying in her Uber on the way home while frantically texting and calling her friends in an attempt to understand the trauma she had just endured.
Courtesy: babe
Although this incident occurred in September of 2017 the accusations only came to light recently as Grace says she was prompted after witnessing Ansari winning a golden globe while wearing a black Time’s Up pin. It disturbed Grace that her supposed attacker was accepting an award for his TV show that deals with ideas of sexual assault and consent while wearing a pin in support of a movement about speaking out against men in Hollywood using their power to violate women.
Courtesy: Getty Images
Of the parade of men that have been recently outed as harassers and rapists in Hollywood, the story of Ansari’s attack is unfortunately incredibly relatable. Although every harrowing tale of assault perpetrated by Harvey Weinstein against young starlets bears some resemblance to horrors some have faced in their lifetimes, Ansari’s date night is eerily similar to an experience most women have endured.
A large criticism of Grace’s account is why didn’t she just say no? Why didn’t she just leave? When put into a distressing situation with someone you think highly of, most people tend to “dead opossum,” a phrase being tossed around the internet meaning that your initial shock of being betrayed by someone you trusted inhibits you from decisively acting to escape the situation. She expressed that she was uncomfortable both verbally and nonverbally. But Ansari still didn’t stop. A response to the idea of nonverbal consent is the idea of how are you supposed to tell if they are consenting? Is your partner supposed to be a mind-reader? Of course, he or she isn’t expected to read your mind but they are expected to care enough to make sure you are comfortable with the act you are engaging in or intend to engage in.
Ansari responded to the allegations through a statement released by one of his representatives. The full statement is as follows:
“In September of last year, I met a woman at a party. We exchanged numbers. We texted back and forth and eventually went on a date. We went out to dinner, and afterwards we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual.
The next day, I got a text from her saying that although “it may have seemed okay,” upon further reflection, she felt uncomfortable. It was true that everything did seem okay to me, so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned. I took her words to heart and responded privately after taking the time to process what she had said.
I continue to support the movement that is happening in our culture. It is necessary and long overdue.”
In his response, Ansari claims that he thought the acts the pair engaged in were “completely consensual.” Assuming that Grace’s account is accurate, the idea Ansari still believed they were both consenting partners is a quite concerning notion. If he was truly oblivious to her discomfort what does that say about the way some men think about sexual interactions and what a healthy sexual interaction actually looks like. Grace described repeatedly moving his hands away and voicing her discomfort. Why didn’t she just say no? She argues she said no through her body language. Understanding body language is near human nature and any person who senses their partner is uncomfortable can simply ask if they are okay. Ignoring your partner’s body language is equally despicable and problematic as ignoring a verbal “yes” or “no.”
The idea that consent is a “yes” or “no” simple black and white concept is damaging to the nuances of sexual consent. It makes us question sexual encounters based solely on legality and this specific line of “yes” or “no” that trivializes the experience and reaction of a victim. The responses to Grace’s account of her experience with Aziz Ansari has shed a harsh light on our society’s conflicting opinions regarding consent. Grace’s account is one all too familiar for many people, and if that doesn’t prove how broken our ideas regarding consent and how that contributes to the proliferation of rape culture then I don’t know what will.