Yes, I did quote Ferris Bueller in the teaser. Because while it may be incredibly corny, I feel like it definitely applies to my situation.
Without getting too existential, my whole life has been a series of looking forward to things. In high school, I was always looking forward to what my life would be like in college…the new friends I’ll have, the independence I’ll gain, the memories I’ll make. Thinking of my future was consuming my thoughts throughout the school day, before I went to sleep at home, and was the topic of most of my conversations with my friends.
We would talk about how much we wanted to live our lives in college, daydreaming about how amazing it would be. Or, we would even look just a few months into the future and think about how prom and graduation would be something we would never forget. The point is, we, or more specifically, I, was always thinking ahead.
And then schools shut down, and all of those events that I had built up so much in my mind were canceled. But it was fine, because college was only a few months away, so quarantining until June would be the perfect time to work on my own mental and physical growth before Summer C at Florida State. And then that got canceled too.
That left me stranded in my thoughts, as the uncertainty of when I would be able to “start my life” set in, and I realized how much time I had wasted in high school, dreaming about things that didn’t even end up happening.
After summer ended and it was finally time to move up to Tallahassee, I still found myself thinking about how much better Sophomore year will be when things are hopefully back to normal, before I even gave reality a chance. One week in and since this year was already off to a weird start, I had already decided that I just needed to wait it out one more time.
Now, after a month and a half of living my “real life” in college, I’ve decided that I am tired of living with this mindset. We can only control so much and the length of life is not guaranteed, so it makes little sense that we’re living for a future we don’t even know about.
That’s not to say that I’ve stopped daydreaming or decided not to work towards my career and life after college. But I’ve switched up the mentality from my life having these different starting points, where I could never be satisfied until I got there, to one where the present, no matter what stage of life it is, is constantly worth taking advantage of.
Those old Tumblr quotes and cheesy lines about how everything that is happening now, will just be a memory, is a little nerve-wracking. I don’t want most of my memories to be waiting for the next step, because in reality, there will always be a next step. So for now, I’m focusing on doing all I can to live presently, without that voice saying that I’m not where I should be, and therefore can’t make the most of it.
I hope this resonated with someone, because I’ve felt this way for a lot of my life, and I’m over it. We are where we are, and while it might not be the place we want, still take the time to make the most of it.
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