5 Ways UF's Attempt to Troll FSU Backfires

Before you do anything else, go watch the video of a ‘Gator girl’ attempting to make fun of FSU through her rendition of “Royals” by Lorde. Released on April 17th, this video has spread like wildfire through Gator territory and Seminole nation alike. To sum up the video, it contains one girl clad in a UF football jersey mouthing off about the Seminoles, reiterating that UF created Gatorade, and generally acting like a bully towards an FSU fan.

While this girl, from UF’s Generation Sketch Comedy, might have meant the video as an outlet to make fun of FSU, what she really accomplished is making her own school look bad. She acts like a jerk in the video and states some ideas that are just plain silly. Here is a list of the top five moments that made the video fall short.

1)    “I’ve never been to Tally in the flesh. I know that everybody says it’s trashy. But ‘Noles and Gators just don’t mesh, cuz’ Florida State just ain’t as classy.”

First of all, it seems a little ironic that dry humping everything from signs, an FSU fan, Albert the gator, and even later herself, that this girl has any warrant to say what is or is not “classy.” Pushing an FSU fan off of a bench when there are clearly other areas to sit also contributed to making #53 look even more trashy. The look on the Seminole’s face says it all: “The heck is wrong with you?”

2)    “FSU kids get denied, ‘cuz for them UF is just too cool. And I’m ashamed to have applied. But that’s okay, FSU was my safe school.”

FSU is one of the top colleges in the nation, which allows it to break away from the title “safety school” over and over again. U.S. News Best Colleges Ranking sums up FSU’s academic prowess: “As a dynamic, competitive, elite research institution, Florida State University is world-renowned for the quality of its faculty and academic programs, and its focus on developing graduates who are innovators and leaders. From its pre-eminence in the sciences, arts, and humanities to its entrepreneurial culture, Florida State is also recognized for its outstanding academic environment, economic value, championship athletics, prime location in the heart of the state capital, and a service-learning mission that is a model for the nation.”

3)    “We don’t care, UF invented Gatorade. And we’re proud to be Gators (Gators), our grades put the ‘Noles to shame. And baby our school is the best because Gatorade.”

Sorry Gator fans, but UF most definitely did not invent Gatorade. In 1962, FSU football’s team doctor, Dr. R.A. Johnson, began to produce a sports drink made from sugar and electrolytes which he named “Seminole Firewater.” Two years later at the annual Seminar of Collegiate Sports Physicians and Athletic Trainers, a representative from UF learned about Johnson’s formula. Because Johnson was freely sharing his formula for the greater good of the public, no patent had been created for Seminole Firewater. The UF representative then patented Johnson’s formula in 1967 to take the credit and what is currently over $150 million dollars in revenue. Sorry UF, but your slimy reptilian ancestors seem better at stealing than inventing. 

P.S. – I have seen people put mayonnaise and lemon juice in their hair. I have seen people put eggs and avocado in their hair. But I have never seen someone pour Gatorade all over himself or herself. Maybe she is onto something, but I think that maybe she is simply just making herself look ridiculous.

4)    “And baby our school (our school) is the best in the SEC.”

Need I say more?

5)     “And our school (our school) is the best there will ever be.”

At majestic hair flips, maybe.

The important thing to remember above all is that each university is a highly ranked academic institution. While it is no secret that UF and FSU have had a long withstanding rivalry, there is no need to make it more public and more ridiculous than before. We shall all hold our breathe to see if a retaliation video is made by the Seminoles. However, I would hope that my fellow Seminoles would show the Gators exactly how classy we are in the process of making it.