Okay, collegiettes. I think we can all agree that there are certain things guys wear that we just cannot get enough of. Whether they’re aware of it or not, men’s fashion has been evolving and taking new shape in recent years — and it’s seriously sexy! By way of random survey and extensive scientific research, here is a list of the top five things guys wear that women love.
1.Head to toe camouflage
As Parks and Recreation’s Donna Meagle would say, “I’m a hunter and it’s you season.” A full camo outfit tells a girl that you’re super interested in killing unsuspecting innocent animals for sport, and, oddly enough, we’re really into that. Just a warning though, sometimes it’s really hard for girls to see you when you’re wearing all camo outdoors, so you might want to skip this outfit for park dates or picnics. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost my date against the backdrop of the underbrush, and a disembodied voice calling out to you is definitely a little too Paranormal Activity to keep a romantic mood alive.
He’s a nice guy who wears funny T-shirts, plays World of Warcraft until three in the morning, and has five o’clock shadow that’s actually just Cheeto dust stuck to the Mountain Dew that dribbled down his chin. He makes “get back in the kitchen” jokes, self identifies as a “troll,” worships Richard Dawkins, and just wants to put you on an emotionally damaging unrealistic pedestal like you’re his own personal Princess Peach — the perfect catch. Fedoras say all of this and more. Girls know that when they see a cutie sporting one of these hats that they’ve finally found the guy who talks in internet memes just like they do. I trololove you, baby. *Le kiss*
Best kept secret: girls LOVE looking at your hairy, gangly toes and weird unkempt toenails. Love it. Wear sandals or flip flops every day, even if it’s -15 degrees outside. Girls want to see your feet and we all know that sometimes fashion is pain. When I see a guy wearing Rainbows my first thought is something like, “oh my god, I hope he’s single.” This is quickly followed by an instant replay in my head of that scene in the first episode of The O.C. when Luke punches Ryan and is all, “WELCOME TO THE O.C., B*TCH!” but I mean…girls love The O.C. You can’t go wrong with that kind of association.
Friendship may be magic, but ladies always come at dudes left and right for a lot more than that when they’re bedecked in Brony gear. An entire subculture of dudes who sexualize and appropriate a franchise of animated cartoon ponies originally created for and aimed at a demographic of girls aged 2-11 are just too hot to handle. Women love knowing when a guy is a proud Brony, it really shows he’s confident and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about him—especially Hasbro. Girls, imagine Ryan Gosling. Dreamy, right? Now imagine Ryan Gosling in a “Proud 2 B a Brony” shirt. Stop drooling if you can.
5. Tripp pants
Most girls will tell you that it’s actually on their bucket list to date a guy that looks like he just stepped out of VampireFreaks.com. Tripp pants are appealing because of their multifunctional nature—they’ve got the usefulness of cargo pants but all the swagger of a Juggalo. Girls see a guy wearing these and they can’t control themselves. One time in a mall I saw a girl fall to the ground in front of a guy wearing Tripp pants and start wailing, “DATE ME PLEASE, PLEEEEASEEEEEE!” while sobbing. It was truly powerful. Tread carefully because girls will be vying to be the Kim to your Ye. Bonus points if you’ve got a tribal armband tattoo, lip ring, and worked at Hot Topic in 2006. Uh-huh, honey.