It’s easy to point out a bad relationship…when it doesn’t involve you. You can spew out endless prophetic love advice to your girlfriends, but then when it comes to your own love life, this advice becomes a whole lot harder to heed. We have all been there, and many of us still are. So from one once-delusional woman to another, here are a few signs that might mean it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
1. Your friends don’t like him
If your girls don’t like him, there is probably a good reason. Now, you may be thinking, But Morgan, my friends just don’t see the side of him that I see! I have said this to myself and to my friends and to my mother more times than I can count. And to be honest, it’s not a great excuse. Your friends are your wing women, your confidants, the people that you complain to about that weird ingrown hair on your bikini line. If your friends can have your back in every other aspect of your life, why would this suddenly change when you get into a relationship? If your friends don’t like him or don’t think that he treats you well, they are probably seeing something that you can’t. You should never feel like you have to justify your relationship, and if you do, there’s probably a problem. Sometimes it’s good to have an outside opinion from your friends. If he’s a great fit for you, there is no doubt that they will be gushing about him right alongside you. If they have reservations, maybe step back and take a better look at your man.
2. When it’s good, it’s good, but when it’s bad, it’s REALLY BAD
I can’t count the number of friends that I have heard say this, and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t either. When the relationship is going smoothly and bump free, it’s like you are constantly running through meadows filled with puppies, holding hands, and lovingly gazing into each other’s eyes. And that’s great! But then when something comes up, something that is difficult and requires compromise or conversation, the Kraken is unleashed and you’re left wondering what happened to this man that you love? Who replaced him with Lord Voldemort in the flesh? I’m not sure why we tell ourselves that this is okay, that the awful times are justified by the good. Of course, all relationships have their trials and tribulations and you are bound to argue at some point, but every fight shouldn’t feel like the worst. It doesn’t have to be that way. You want to spend your time— and possibly your life—with someone who can handle the hard times.
3. You’re not yourself when you’re with him
Your partner is supposed to be, if nothing else, the person that you can be 110% yourself around. This person loves you for who you are and embraces all of your imperfections. You should feel completely confident when you are together. If this does not describe the way that you feel with your beau, something might be wrong. Now, I definitely understand how difficult it can be to open up to someone that you care about. You might worry that there are parts of you that he won’t like or that will make him question being with you. These fears are normal toward the beginning of all relationships. But as you get to know each other, your man should make you feel confident! He should let you know how much he loves you for you. He knows all the weird habits you have. He’s seen you without makeup. And he still cares about you. Your man should make you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin.
4. You feel more invested in the relationship
There is nothing worse than feeling like you care much more about someone than they do about you. Equal investment in the relationship is essential. If you find yourself always reaching out to your beau to make plans because he won’t do it himself, there is a problem. Now, don’t tell yourself, He’s just really bad at making plans, he doesn’t think about those things. He should think about those things! Regardless of whether or not he is bad at making plans, he should be jumping out of his seat to spend as much time as possible with his wonderful woman (that’s you)! If he doesn’t make time for you altogether, something needs to change. I understand that schedules get busy, but you two should always be able to make some time for each other, whether it’s a study date, dinner, or even just sleeping together after a long day. Time together is important, and he should be willing to put in as much effort to spend that time together as you are.
5. You don’t feel sexually comfortable
Whether you two decide to get intimate or to wait, you should always feel like you are supported in your decisions. If your man is pushing you to move more quickly than you’d like to, there is a problem. A real man and a good partner will respect and support what you do or do not feel comfortable with. The person that you are in a relationship with is the person with whom you are most intimate—sexually and emotionally. You should never be afraid to tell your partner how you feel during any intimate interaction (even kissing!) for fear of judgment. You should also never be afraid to talk candidly about all the weird parts of being intimate (you know what I’m talking about). Keeping things honest and clarifying boundaries make for the most passionate and successful relationships.