So you fall in love for the first time and you’re convinced it’s going to be the last time. You’ve been together for years and you got comfortable, you’re convincing yourself it’s okay to cry over him every day, or you’re just okay with being averagely happy. Any way you put it, you could be—and probably are—settling for less than you deserve.
1. The bad times outweigh the good. If you’re dating the right person, you’ll constantly enjoy being around him and generally be happy. I’m not saying you can’t argue—the healthiest couples do—but if you find yourself being unhappy a lot of the time (especially when he’s around), it’s a pretty clear sign he may not be the best idea and you can do a lot better.
2. He’s trying to change you. And not the good kind of change. Sure, great relationships can lead you to adopt new goals and give up bad habits, but toxic relationships can do just the opposite. The scariest part is that it’s hard to notice it’s happening. You’re dating someone for six months and suddenly you’ve given up on your goals and see every situation differently than you would have last year.
3. You’re trying to change him. An “if only” should only cross your mind when it comes to your relationship when you’re staring at him and thinking how happy everyone in the world would be if they had someone like him. There’s a difference between wanting to change what he’s insecure about and wanting to change his view on marriage or his anger problems. If you’re sticking with a relationship hoping and praying that they are going to change as a person, stop now, because chances are, they won’t.
4. You’re ready for a commitment and he isn’t. If he isn’t ready for a commitment today, what makes you think he suddenly will be tomorrow? Chances are, his mind is made up and he’s not interested in long-term. If he was, he would have changed his mind and told you sooner.
5. You’re constantly making excuses for him. You shouldn’t have to be in a situation where you keep making up excuses as to why your significant other is behaving the way he is. Not only is it embarrassing for you, but a relationship isn’t a glorified babysitting job. You should be bragging about how great he is, not covering up his mistakes in front of your friends.
6. You sacrifice too much. You feel like you need to sacrifice things about you, whether it be your weight or dreams or to fit the mold you think he is looking for. But here’s the thing: the right person will not try to change you, you will not have a set mold he expects you to fill, and he will help you reach your goals, not help you press the delete button on them.
7. You don’t feel good about yourself. People in happy and healthy relationships also tend to have positive self-esteems. I’m not saying you’ll be free of the insecurities that have followed you for years, but when you’re with him you should feel confident. If he constantly jabs at your insecurities or undermines your confidence, you’re settling. Plain and simple. You want someone that celebrates the many great things about you, not the other way around.
8. He doesn’t respect your values. If you go into a relationship with certain values and morals, stick to them. If he tries to change your mind and tell you they’re unimportant, he’s not the right guy for you. The right person will love that you have values and respect you for it, not belittle you for them.
9. Your worst nightmare is when he goes out without you. If you can’t stop texting him when he’s out with his friends and are constantly worried about him cheating on you, that’s another red flag. You should be able to sleep easy while he’s out knowing that the only person he’s thinking about at the bar is you.
10. You remind yourself of how much worse it could be. If you find that you’re trying to convince yourself that you don’t have it that bad, then you probably don’t have it that great, either. Saying, “Atleast he’s not abusive,” or, “Atleast he doesn’t cheat,” does not mean that everything is okay in your relationship. In fact, it’s usually a surefire sign you should peace out.
Being in a relationship shouldn’t feel like a project. If it does; find someone who will make you feel like you’re on a vacation whenever you’re together (or apart!). Don’t let people tell you that relationships cannot and will not be like Nicholas Sparks novels, or that guys who treat girls like royalty don’t exist anymore. Because your relationship can be like the movies, and he can treat you like a princess—and trust me, it’s worth the wait and the tears to find him.