Hello, ladies.
I received a message from some friends yesterday: my goosebumps. I call my two favorite goosebumps Will and Grace. Those pesky kids were on vacation until I walked onto Dame Mall and saw a very nice pair of lady legs ahead of me. I felt a shiver up my spine and Will, Grace, Karen, Jack, and Rosario suddenly appeared on my arms with hundreds of their goosebump friends.
Don’t get the wrong idea. I wasn’t hot for lady legs. I was very cold for lady legs. You see, this student was wearing short-shorts, and it was snowing.
Ladies, please grab a glass of water before continuing to read. What comes next may be shocking.
There are three socially legal reasons to wear short-shorts while the temperature outside is below freezing. One, you’re walking to the gym. Two, you’re walking back to your dorm from the gym. Three, your dorm caught fire and you didn’t have time to grab pants before escaping the building.
In other words, if I can see my breath outside, I should not see you wearing short-shorts in Saga (Sodexo) because Saga is not Spurlock or your dorm. I should not see you wearing short-shorts in class because class is not Spurlock or your dorm. If I do see you in class, and we’re in Spurlock, then I’m in the wrong building.
I don’t want anyone to think I’m being hateful. My hater-ade is snug in my mini-fridge. I worry about the comfort of your legs and the guys I see rubber-necking you when you walk passed them. That’s all. I mean, their necks could be in some real pain by the time the season officially changes.
Another thing I’ve been asked to mention — and this didn’t come from my goosebumps — is that it is unacceptable to throw on a pair of dirty sweatpants and stuff them in your Ugg boots before heading to class. Your sweats do not look any less lazy when they’re tucked into a rambunctious boot.
Before saying goodbye, I have to thank you all. I have yet to see a student wearing short-shorts and Ugg boots at the same time. For that, I will continue to love you all, but if I ever see short-shorts hanging on your waist above any kind of boot, I will send you a personal invitation to my War On Dame.
Love,
Your Gay Best Friend, Tim
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Franklin chapter.