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Message From Your Gay Best Friend No. 05: The Stereotype

Hello ladies,

It’s Tim, again, and I’m on a roll today. I spent all morning and afternoon on a very long essay in which I analyzed an advertisement that told women to make their men buy Trojan-brand condoms. It’s truly an entertaining ad. It’s also not what I want to talk about.

In Saga on Monday, a friend told me that I’m going to marry a feminine gay man. He said that I am clearly the man in my relationships.

You heterosexuals must stop insisting that there is a man and a “woman” in all homosexual relationships. It’s like there’s this last dying hope for “normalcy” in gay relationships. In other words, some people like to believe that all relationships are between a man and a feminine “other” so that a relationship between two males is still somehow similar to a relationship between a male and a female.

Of course, there are also those of you who have gay friends in a relationship where one is indeed masculine and the other is undeniably feminine, and that’s fine! I’m not at all trying to say that it doesn’t happen. It happens quite often, but that doesn’t make it okay to stereotype mine or any other gay male’s future relationships.

That’s the same as saying all lesbian relationships include a masculine woman and a feminine woman, and that’s a circumstance that might happen a lot less often than a masculine gay and a feminine gay being together.

I’m using big words repetitively, and it has me all turned around.

That’s most common – logically, at least – is that two gay men in a relationship will each have masculine and feminine characteristics.

For example, I don’t know how to change the oil in my car, but I love science fiction shows. I like wearing eyeliner and mascara, but I also am very defensive of the people I love. I prefer female singers, but I also prefer male actors.

That last one is a lie. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Kristen Wiig hold my heart. My favorite male actor is gay.

Do you get the point? While I do like dating someone I feel needs me to take care of them, someone less “powerful,” I guess you could say, I also want someone that can take care of me when I’m having a bad day. I would never want to be with the ultimate, feminine gay guy, not because I’m against those types of gays like so many masculine gays are, but because I can’t always be as emotionally strong as I appear.
Love and rubies and sometimes pearls,
Your Gay Best Friend

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