A lot of people have an idea about what they want in a relationship before they get into one. Almost every woman I know has an ideal “type” and this is what they look for in a partner. Tall, athletic, attractive, strong, funny, sensitive — just to name a few common personality traits women seek in a boyfriend or a girlfriend. However, a lot of young women going into their first relationship aren’t always sure what to expect. Relationships can be a lot of work, but it is completely worth it in the end if you’re with someone you respect and love. So, this is my advice for young women who are getting into their first relationship or haven’t been in one at all yet.
The first couple of months you are dating someone usually feel almost perfect — you’re in the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship, where you’re so into this new person and you can’t get enough of each other. You’re adjusting to this new perspective on your life as someone who is no longer single. However, the beginning of a relationship can be overwhelming, too. You want to make the right impression — although you already know this person likes you, you’re worried you’ll say the wrong thing and mess up. As someone who suffers from anxiety, this especially can be a fear of ours. At the end of the day, we all say the wrong thing sometimes and if the person you’re dating is worth it, they’ll move on from that. Most of the time, they are also super worried they’re do something that will upset you too. These are the months where you figure out if this person is someone you can imagine being with long term. I know that sounds a bit extreme; shouldn’t you give it more time before you decide whether this person is right for you? In some ways, you can’t immediately expect to fall in love and want to be with a person for the rest of your life. However, if you are with someone for over a month and can’t imagine it going anywhere, then maybe this person isn’t the one for you.
After the “honeymoon” phase ends, reality starts to kick in. You really begin to face adversities with your partner, and maybe there are some things they do that you aren’t particularly fond of. My boyfriend and I started dating at the beginning of summer, and when we started school here at Framingham, some of our relationship issues started to kick in. We started to fight, which was something we had never done before, and my anxiety unfortunately became an obstacle in our relationship. I was having a lot of mood swings, and it became very overwhelming for him. However, we cared deeply enough for each other to try and fix our relationship. There was still a mutual trust and respect that we had for each other that hadn’t been broken. This is something you really need to think about if you are having problems with your partner. Do your problems have a solution? Are they treating you in a respectful manner? Is there still a mutual respect and a promise of honesty between the two of you? A relationship can’t be worth ending over a few bumps in the road if overall this person is still making you happy. Fighting is bound to happen; it’s unfortunate but there will always be things that get in the way. If your relationship is worth keeping, it’ll eventually make you stronger and strengthen your bond. For example, although I wish I could take back how I told my boyfriend I felt about some things he was doing I didn’t like, at least he knows now how I want to be treated.
You also must remember to communicate your feelings in a respectful way. I wish I could take back how I have talked to my boyfriend sometimes. If you have an issue, it’s better to let it out in the open instead of bottling up your feelings. That will only lead to more problems down the road. Your anger can start to build up. Communication is so important in a relationship. If you can’t tell the other person how you feel, it can cause a relationship to break easily. Although I said earlier that sometimes an argument can make your relationship stronger in the end, it’s best to communicate in a more positive way to avoid the argument in the first place. It just causes unnecessary stress, over a problem that could potentially be manageable. Although, I digress, not every problem seems manageable in the heat of the moment.
Lastly, you need to make sure being with your partner is the right thing for you. If your relationship is making you feel like the other person is controlling you, being dishonest, disrespectful, or even using physical or sexual violence, those are major signs that you need to get out of this relationship. If you feel like you’re beginning to see signs of your relationship being unhealthy, it is important to reach out to a friend, family member, and counselor for advice. Being in a relationship can be challenging, but it shouldn’t constantly feel like there is tension between you two. At the end of the day, you must do whatever is right for you, and sometimes that could mean breaking up with someone who can’t make you happy anymore.