You know that song from J.Cole, Wet Dreams? There’s a verse where he’s talking about this girl in his math class and how he starts to feel her vibe and then starts wanting to feel her. I used to think, like man, how lucky are you to have a girl be willing to just want to have sex, no extraneous effort, just being funny and friendly, and then all of a sudden, she’s asking you to come over when her mom is away, so she can get some. I thought that was something that happened in a dream or just in a song. That is until I experienced the same thing. Funny enough it was in a class of mine, however, I didn’t like this girl at first. She was loud, awkward, a bit annoying and definitely younger than me. I didn’t pay much attention to her initially, but she was showing signs of interest. I remember leaving class one day and she called out my name, well actually she called out a name close to mine that made me turn my head around.
“Nate! Wait a second” My names Nick.
“Nate!”
With deductive reasoning, I assumed with me being the only male in the vicinity she must’ve been trying to reach me. I turned around and I saw this young cheeky girl. She was wearing this ridiculous colored blue coat and a hat that would’ve fallen off with the right turn of her head.
“If you’re talking to me, my name is Nick.”
“Oh, you sure?”
Funny.
“I’m kidding, sorry I swear I thought your name was Nate, sorry. I actually wanted to talk to you about your presentation.”
I amused her by discussing why I chose a certain subject for my presentation, to be honest I cant remember what I presented on, what I can remember though, was after I was done describing it she kept smiling.
It wasn’t long after that we started to talk more. I was getting comfortable with her awkward ways of starting conversations and catching her stare at me when I got up to use the restroom. Before the semester ended she contacted me and wanted to know if I wanted to catch a movie with her. This would’ve been the first thing we’ve done together outside the classroom. Seeing this as a chance to see a movie that I’ve been wanting to see for a while I said yes.
When we were leaving the theater, I could feel some awkward tension from her. I knew she wanted to find a way to stay with me a little longer. She was doing great so far with conversation and she looked pretty, so I threw her a bone.
“Hey, do you want to come over? I have some food and we can watch some movies.”
She was noticeably flustered. It was obvious she was never this alone with someone and even more obvious that the prospect of being alone with a man was something new to her.
“Uh, sure.”
We got into her car, drove about 30 minutes to my apartment and then before I could even tell her that my parents weren’t home, she asked to kiss me. So boldly and out of character. I complied, I didn’t even bother asking her how sure she was, I grabbed her head and I kissed her. Then I grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to me. I never let myself get too carried away with someone so fragile. But in that moment, I wanted to experience everything about her, I wanted to touch her breast that she hid under baggy sweaters. I wanted to explore her lips that once asked:
“Whats the square root of 4?”
I wanted everything.
As you can guess, she lost her virginity to me that night. I know those nights are meant for the virgin to keep forever, to reminisce on with future lovers. However, that night belongs to me. That night is what I think about now when I see her post a picture and 10 guys comment. They’ll say corny shit like, “Girl, bless your momma.” You should check out her personality, that’s even better. “What those lips do?” They form the funniest stories and are super soft, even in the winter.
Now it seems as if the girl with the cheeky smile has outgrown me, she’s now a woman with red lipstick that responds to my text as if she has only a few letters to use.
It’s not like we declared any kind of relationship after our first time together. We’ve had a lot of nights together since then. We never said that we’ve had feelings for each other. I have no hold on her.
When I hear that song though, Wet Dreams, I think to myself how much of a sucker that guy is, because after he gets what he wants, he’s going to feel like he just gave up so much too quickly.