Before I came to Fordham, it had been four years since I stepped foot inside a classroom with a boy. That’s a scary thought now that I reflect on it, having spent three consecutive semesters now with the male species inside a classroom AND inside the dorm room. I’ve lived like Jane Goodall, observing their studying and living habits and inevitably becoming an integral member of the tribe.
It was no easy transition though. I have to admit it’s been baptism by fire, a lot of thinking on my feet, and certainly learning by trial and (frequent) error.
Certainly not every girl goes through this either. Some girls adjust seamlessly to living and learning with boys. I was not one of these girls, most likely because I didn’t have several of the key qualities I’ve observed in girls who effortlessly fit in with their male counterparts:
- I did not go to school with boys, therefore I was just slightly rusty in my dealings with them on a 24-hour basis.
- I did not have an older brother or an older adolescent male mentor to show me the ropes of being a friend with a boy.
- I cannot, no matter how hard I try, talk sports. I am absolutely incapable of paying attention at sporting events, remembering names of players, or memorizing statistics that I can pull out to tell my friends. The possible exception to this rule came when the Yankees played my hometown Phillies in the World Series, and even then I couldn’t even muster the energy needed to jump on the sports bandwagon.
- I do not possess the elusively innate “bro” demeanor.
There’s no handbook on how to adjust to deal with boys after living in a female -dominated environment for the majority of your formative adolescent years. Plus, it’s even more difficult to have to learn on your feet. So, from experience, I’m going to give you a few key mistakes to watch out for when you’re making this transition. Most – but not all – of these mistakes are autobiographical, so try not to judge me too harshly!
Don’t Overeat
I often describe that coming to a co-ed College after going to an all-girls school for four years is like a woman on a diet who then is given all access to an all-you-can-eat buffet. There is a spread of available, cute, charismatic, smart gentlemen just waiting for you to snatch them up. The tricky part, however, is learning to pace your self. It’s a smart idea to look at your options and then take your time. You’ll undoubtedly give yourself a rotten stomachache if you insist on gorging yourself on whichever collegiate boy that comes your way. Give yourself time to adjust to meeting the thousands of new people you’ll meet on a daily basis in college. There’s no rush, and things will be more delicious if you allow generous time to devour each new experience!
Don’t get tunnel vision
Since there are going to be so many boys right in front of you, make sure you’re not completely ignoring your need for female companionship. If there’s one thing I learned in high school, it’s the value of a female friendship.I met so many incredible women in high school, women who opened my eyes to different kinds of love and friendship. It’s important to have that in college too. It’s essential to find a core group of girls to spend your college experience with. Don’t get too sidetracked by boys (especially romantic interests) that you forget to invest time in making girlfriends! No matter how in love you are with a guy, they can’t be your roommate – that’s a girls-only requirement!
Learn from the learned
Find someone who went to co-ed high school, and let them be your guide. I don’t know what I would have done without my guides! Although these gurus may not realize that they have such priceless information, they often have unique insight into the workings of the male-female acquaintance. Having someone with this kind of experience can be invaluable to making your transition easier.
Beware of Tinker Bell Syndrome
“Tinker Bell syndrome” is often rampant on college campuses, and it’s something that you have to learn to deal with and beware of developing in yourself. “Tinker Bell syndrome” is when a girl enjoys her position as the singular girl in a group of guys. Often when another girl is thrown into the mix (a.k.a. her “Wendy”), this girl becomes threatened by the extra female presence and exhibits possessive, jealous, and other nutsy behavior that boys (and often people in general) have no patience for. I’ve run into girls like this before, and the only solution I have found to dealing with them is to befriend the enemy. Make them see that there’s no reason for their status to feel threatened. Use your all-girls school superpowers, and make friends with them! This will make it easy on the whole group if all the girls can make nice and get along well.
Show your stuff!
Even though I went to junior high with boys, I had completely forgotten what it’s like to be in a classroom with them. To be honest (and I’m not proud of this), I was somewhat intimidated by the boys in my classes in my first semester of college. It’s probably the specific classes and the particular classmates I had in that semester (which included a debate-oriented political science class, and a religious discussion class), but I found a lot of the boys argumentative and full of knowledge they were dying to share. Once I got used to having boys in my classes, I started enjoying flexing my own intellectual muscles in class. Don’t be afraid to add your two cents to class discussions, regardless of if they are male-dominated or not. Show the boys who’s boss in the classroom!
Be yourself!
Perhaps the weakest and most contrived piece of advice, but probably the most vital: Do not, under any circumstances, alter anything about yourself in an effort to become friends/more than friends with a boy. Sharing different interests is more than okay, and there’s never any harm in exposing yourself to new things you don’t know that much about! Make sure you stay away from changing your interests just because a boy likes them. I’ve found that boys will like you for who you are; regardless of if you can discuss football playoffs or Halo techniques with insight. Find common ground and discuss it, but don’t research favorite things that you discovered on their Facebook profile. This might work for ten minutes, but once you run out of memorized facts, your lack of knowledge will become extremely transparent and you’ll wind up in a worse spot than before! Your sparkling personality will be enough just as it is!
I can’t promise that if you follow these steps, you’ll have no bumps on the road to bromance. These are just a few of the mistakes I made and it was certainly not easy for me to find my footing! There’s not too much of a learning curve, because you’ll be trying to adjust to so many other things in your first year of college. I really have grown to appreciate the lessons I’ve learned, and can’t stress the value of remaining myself throughout. I absolutely adore every boy I’ve met at Fordham, and some of my best friends at school are boys I’ve developed close friendships with. Be yourself, have fun, and be prepared to have a great group of guy friends that will make up for all the years you were deprived of males!
Photo Credit: http://rebeccatay.com/blog/2010/10/more-on-boarding-school/