Tell me more about how you’re unique and the coolest guy at Fordham…said no Fordham collegiette ever. Here’s a straight forward check list of every breed of male ram you’ll meet.
1. The Bro that wishes Fordham had Greek life
These bros (plural because they’re never alone) came to college thinking it was going to be just like something out of Animal House, but PLOT TWIST, they were introduced to the atrocity of Fordham nightlife. They continue to spend their nights funneling coors lights and chanting “FTB” (stop.)
2. The Athlete Bro
“Hey, nice to meet you! I’m the starting quarterback”…. Actual quote.
3. The Over-Confident Bro
“Nice bum, where ya from?”…. Actual quote.
4. That Bro who lives for Tuesday nights at Mugz’s
Can someone explain this to me?
5. The soon to be Investment Banker Bro
He’s naturally competitive, knows how to talk business-y (hot), and probably knows what a good Tom Ford suit looks like. If you have one, keep a future IB Bro.
6. Those Foreign Guys
*smiles politely at him because you have no idea what he’s saying*
BUT keep talking because I like the way it sounds!
7. The Artsy Guy
I really don’t know what to say because I don’t know much about them. I DO know that they wear those hideous frilly scarves and talk about “going green” (no.) If you want to find a hipster guy, I heard they hang out at Rodrigues. Or just hop the Ram Van to LC.
8. The Gay BFF
The gay BFF is a necessity throughout college. They’re brutally honest, they know that a vodka-soda is the only acceptable drink at the bar and they’ll drag your ass to soul cycle with them on a Sunday morning. Thankfully, Fordham is filled with potential gay BFF’s. Find them, love them, embrace them.
9. The Questionable Bro
You can usually spot this guy out quickly because of the vodka cranberry he is holding. He also knows all the words to “Fergalicious” and (probably) waxes his back, but INSISTS he likes the vagine. The only way to know for sure is to introduce him to your gay BFF and observe…
10. The “I’m visiting a friend” extra-hot Bro
*transfers to whatever school he goes to*
11. The Blackout Bro
This bro goes out as much as possible, constantly has a natty lite in his hand and says things like “turnt”(stfu.) They can be fun because they always know where the good parties are but beware, they will blackout and they will end up sleeping naked on your bathroom floor (true story.)
12. Bootycall Bro
Or sometimes known as, “backburner bro.” The Scarlett Johansson/Kevin Connolly relationship in He’s Just Not That Into You is the perfect example of this. He’s always there for you when you NEED someone to bring you pizza at 2am or like, when your cat dies (idk). Keep him around for cuffing season and Instagram compliments.
13. Freshman Guys
They’re so cute and innocent. Corrupt them by grinding on them in Howl and telling them you love that whole “lanyard around their neck” look (hot.)
14. The Stoner Bro
This bro always has his head in the clouds, loves anything by Seth MacFarlane and has a shaggy Kate Gosselin haircut. Make friends with them because they usually got the hook up.
15. The Bro who actually has his sh*t together
There is maybe one of them on campus. May the odds be ever in your favor.