Ever heard of the proverb ‘Humility is a virtue’? We all know that humility is attractive, but to what extent? At what point can downplaying your wins begin to affect your life in an adverse manner by stunting your confidence, hindering your growth, and costing you your happiness?
My mom often says, ‘Self praise is donkey’s praise’. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t help but agree, and I’m sure that a part of this mindset is integrated into the Indian experience. Yes, nobody likes to hear someone boasting about their accomplishments all the time. It gets annoying pretty quick and it’s possible that you may come across as someone who’s a little full of themselves. However, I find that a lot of the time, people (especially women) tend to downplay their wins due to a plethora of reasons. This brings me to question the following: how often do we find ourselves brushing off compliments, talking down, and not acknowledging our contributions?
THE PERILS OF SOCIETY
I, for one, didn’t realize that I did this on a regular basis until my friends started explicitly pointing it out to me. I can’t think of the last time I was truly proud of something, mostly because of my thought process being – if I did it, anyone could. But am I inherently this way, or have I been conditioned by society? As women, we are always expected to take up less space, in order to not be perceived as “too much”. Talking about our wins is always considered bragging and our society does not tolerate those of us who know who we are and what we deserve. Being “loud and proud” is a criticism that’s solely reserved for women, and is resented in professional settings where humility is the supposed gold standard to getting ahead in life.
Moreover, for most women, our perfectionist tendencies are often our biggest villains, acting as the devil’s advocate. Nothing is ever “good enough” because it can always be better. This turns into a never ending spiral of self loathing, insecurity and anxiety. How can I be proud of myself when I can’t even remotely like anything I’ve ever done? To top it all off, we’re all stuck in a cycle of outcompeting each other, from our peers in class to everyone who exists in the vast expanse of the internet.
Especially at FLAME, this feeling is exponential. Everywhere you look, someone’s publishing a research paper, heading a million clubs, going out with friends or just having their life together. With all of this in front of me, it feels stupid to ever think I was good at anything. The need to do more, more, and more without ever feeling fulfilled is truly a disease. I automatically feel the need to be humble about what I do, because my accomplishments in comparison to this feel hollow.
THE VALUE OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
But guess what? It’s okay to be proud of yourself! It often feels impossible because we exist in a space where every single thing we do is involuntarily placed on a comparison scale. However, your progress is a journey that is unique to you, and anything that propels you forward is something that should be celebrated. More importantly, progress beats perfection any day.
The mindset of thinking we aren’t good enough is getting us nowhere. To begin with, everybody is on a path of learning. No one really knows what they’re doing and it’s okay to figure it out on the go. And honestly, (and I mean this in a very positive way), we will never be “good enough” because there’s no absolute standard. Your path encompasses your learnings, successes, and failures and they can never be compared with another.
I think it’s very important to acknowledge your wins. It’s not boasting, it’s just stating the truth. If you do not vouch for yourself, no one else will. Especially these days, your opportunities are directly dependent on how well you speak about yourself and advocate for what you deserve. It is necessary for you to celebrate and acknowledge your wins because doing that will eventually help you get into the rooms where you belong.
SO, WHAT CAN YOU DO?
To help me get on track with this process, I decided to speak about my achievement out loud. It could be as simple as “I woke up for breakfast today”. It is a win for me, and just because it’s the norm for someone else doesn’t make it any less meaningful. My friends have also been amazing at holding me accountable when I talk myself down. I’m extremely appreciative of the fact that I have genuine friends who celebrate, look out, and show up for me, even when I don’t feel particularly proud about something.
Another very helpful tip is to keep a record of what I’ve been doing and to look back at it. I like to do this by posting on my close friends or perhaps, my main account on social media – I love visual archives and this is a great way to do so. Even if I don’t feel it at the moment, looking back on it helps me realise how far I’ve come and how happy I should be about it.
TAKEAWAY
On that note, I would like to end by saying: believe in yourself, believe in your wins. It’s cliche I know, but if you aren’t confident and proud about your achievements, no one else will do it for you. It’s so easy to fall back into a pattern of downplaying your accomplishments and shying away from them but you owe it to yourself to acknowledge and celebrate your hard work in order to consistently uplift and motivate yourself. So here’s to commemorating our wins, however “small” they are!
