As graduation looms over my head like a dark cloud, I constantly think about the fact that in 40 odd days, this whole new life I’ve built in an entirely different city will all become a distant memory. Not a single moment passes by where I’m not overwhelmed by the uncertainty that lies ahead of me. The friendships, heartbreaks, countless memories and life lessons that have made this place home for me will forever echo in the halls of this campus, while I start over yet again leaving all this behind.
THE ONLY CONSTANT IS CHANGE
As someone who’s quite attached to her past, change has never been something that came naturally to me. A period of adjustment that’s filled with anxiety, stress and overthinking is accompanied with every new event that occurs in my life. While everyone around me is currently hearing back from their dream schools and getting the most amazing job offers out there, I’m sitting here wondering about what the future holds for me. Dealing with the unknown was never my strong suit, and university was a welcome break from it as the next few years of my life were charted out. But here I am again facing the abyss, not knowing where to go from here. I’m no stranger to hearing “it’ll all work out” for the millionth time from my loved ones. I know they mean well and it probably could be true, but it truly doesn’t feel so at the moment.
WHAT’S NEXT?
The sense of impending doom where all the scenarios that could go wrong in my life play in my head in an endless loop, leaves me frozen in fear – The fear of disappointing my family, the fear of having worked so hard for nothing and the fear of never getting what I want. However, I’ve come to realize that these thoughts are a rite of passage for everyone getting through this stage of life. Rather than letting it numb me, slowly but surely I’m trying to take this as an opportunity to reflect on my past growth. I have figured it out every single time, so why would this be any different? Adjusting to change is an incremental process. For example, moving out of home for college was a life altering experience that I thought I wouldn’t get through. I was so excited to do it, but there was a good amount of “what if I don’t make it” sprinkled in my head. But here I am three years later, wishing I had more time on my hands. It worked out, and I have made a life for myself that I’m proud of.
However, while university is my comfort zone, regardless of how much I love it, I’m looking forward to the break from academics and the other commitments I have, as well as getting some well deserved sleep.
As I finally grow up, I want to feel excited about the fact that I will finally be able to experience the real world. The freedom of adulthood awaits all of us and while it might not be as glamorous as it is in the movies, it’s a significant step in life that’s worth looking forward to. The rest of my life is going to be filled with new experiences, people and lifestyles, and I can’t wait to explore all of these new versions of me. Every little milestone that we achieve in our young adulthood is something to be proud of.
TAKWAWAY
For those who are reading this, you’re not alone! The anxiety is debilitating. But everything is temporary, including fear. It’s okay to not know what to do because it’s new to you. You will face adversities, rejections, breakdowns and probably cry a lot of tears. But at the same time, an abundance of happiness, security and genuine love is waiting for you out there. The question is, are you ready for it?