When I think about love, I’m reminded of the media I grew up with, from the romcoms of the 2000s to the page turners I stayed up reading in the middle of the night. Pent up love confessions spilling out in the pouring rain, warm hugs that looked like they could heal anything, and an undying promise to always look out for each other. True love was enveloped in conversations about the sadness of the past and the uncertainty of the future, all wrapped up in the magic of the present.
But was that all a fantasy? Does this only exist in books and movies? I’ve been thinking a lot about Olivia Rodrigo’s title for her upcoming album ‘You seem pretty sad for a girl so in love’. It’s such an interesting theme to explore, because for me, love has always been laced with a twinge of sadness. Whether that sadness remains just that, or leads towards a breakdown at 2AM remains situation specific, but I’ve observed that I could be out of my mind in love, and still be the saddest girl alive. All my life, I grew up thinking that these feelings were polar opposites that could never coexist with each other, but things are different now.
THE DILEMMA OF THIS PARADOX
Over the years, love as a concept for me has turned from something solid to something that’s inherently fragile, threatening to fall apart at the slightest push. I’m especially experienced now, as my last year of university has schooled me to preemptively prepare myself for the inevitable end, as don’t all good things come with an expiry date? Every little moment, from frenzied all nighters to everyday trips to the constore now end on a bittersweet note. As I bid these mini endings goodbye, I’m reminded of the fact that I’m grateful and lucky to have loved something so deeply to miss it with all my heart, which is a blessing in itself.
IS THERE A RIGHT KIND OF SADNESS?
Navigating through these complicated feelings has made me more sensitive to the fact that sadness in love can look a variety of different ways. There’s the sadness that makes you nostalgic for a time that will never come back, and there’s sadness that will haunt you for life and affect your ability to ever open up your heart again.
There will be times in life where every situation will have its ups and downs, but it’s crucial to remind yourself that love is supposed to be fun, free and help you become the best version of yourself. Anything that dims your light or makes you feel small is a sign that you don’t belong there. With graduation around the corner, I’m experiencing this more than ever and I’m consciously making a mental note to gravitate towards people and places that make me feel truly wanted. Sadness will accompany you in ebbs and flows, but tuning yourself to differentiate what’s healthy and what’s not will make a world of difference.
TAKEAWAY
While this is a scary experience, I’ve begun to accept that to love is to sometimes witness untimely endings. Letting go of relationships that don’t serve you can be the most heartbreaking thing you can do, but as Ethan Hawke recently said, “the one who’s in love always wins”. Opening my heart up and risking the chance of getting hurt seems like I’m setting myself up for failure, but I never want that to stop me from welcoming true friendships, relationships and abundance from entering my life. Endings are inevitable and upsetting, but fixating on that robs us from enjoying life. Here’s to loving deeply despite the sadness attached to it, as that’s what it means to be human. Maybe one day, we’re all lucky enough to experience love like it’s shown in the movies.