“I met my younger self for coffee, but for some reason, I don’t feel like I remember it…”
A poem written by Jennae Cecelia inspired a trend on TikTok, where people explored their interpretations of what they believe would occur if they sat down for coffee with their former selves. I have a sort of hot take on this trend. While it’s a lovely way to look back and see how far you’ve come, I understand why this can be triggering and overwhelming to do. A lot of us look back and have to deliberately choose not to look at the negatives or at what went wrong because everyone is dealt different cards.
If I sat in front of a younger version of myself, I am not sure how I would proceed because, over the years, so many versions of myself have come in and out of my life that I don’t even know which version I would address. My 10-year-old self wouldn’t want to talk because she would be too afraid of what everyone else would think of her. My 13-year-old self would probably feel insecure about herself the entire time and forget to be in the present. My 16-year-old self would want to talk so much and pour her heart out in the best way possible, yet she fears oversharing.
The 21-year-old girl writing this feels like a scrapbook version of these bits and pieces from over the years. She looks for her inner child in everything she does because she feels like these versions are slipping away and fading away like receipts in an old scrapbook. Time and again, she makes an effort to hold on to forgotten parts of herself, like the one where she would find any excuse to paint for hours or the one who would never say no to watching a movie in the theatres no matter how terrible it was. My point is that as I grow and become a better version of myself, I couldn’t possibly let these smaller versions slip away and put them in one box.
So maybe, I did meet my younger selves for coffee, and all the different versions had questions about what my life is like right now, who stayed, who left and most importantly, who am I? All of them would look to me to reassure them that everything is alright, that the world is not ours to fix. I’ll remind them that the world isn’t, but their little universe is. I’ll remind them that the world does not owe anyone anything, but I owe it to my younger self to build the life we’ve always wanted.
