You may have heard about Sarah Everard, the woman whose body was recently found in London after she disappeared on her way home from a friend’s house the night of March 3. A police officer, Wayne Couzens, has been arrested as a suspect in the case.
Everard’s story is tragic, but many women are not surprised. Sadly, it’s a story we are tired of telling because so many women live in fear of this very thing happening to them.
All of my female friends say they take precautions and change their behavior to feel safer in a dangerous situation. Personally, I call a friend or family member any time I am walking alone, whether on campus or in the city. Friends report carrying pepper spray, walking faster, wearing oversize clothing or jackets tied around their waists, carrying their keys between their fingers, and even avoiding walking at night. In my informal Instagram poll, 23 of 27 women responded that they are afraid of walking alone at night.
With the news of the murder, women across social media platforms are posting their own stories of being harassed while walking alone, sexually assaulted, and otherwise targeted for their gender.
As usual, many men counter women’s experiences and warnings with “not all men,” as in not all men are predators, not all men are violent, and not all men target women. Even so, the alarming statistic that 97% of women aged 18-24 in the United Kingdom have been sexually harassed is a harsh reminder that while all men may not be violent or predatory, most women have been at the very least made uncomfortable by a man.
Although women make up slightly more than half of the global population, it sometimes feels like women are a minority struggling to be heard. From what I see online, men’s participation in these discussions usually begins and ends with trying to defend themselves or bringing up the point that men experience sexual harassment as well. While these points are valid, they are not conducive to the conversation of protecting women from gender violence. Men often seem to think that women speaking about their experiences take away from the male experience when in reality, it is possible to focus on the crisis of violence against women without disparaging and undermining violence against men.
Another important point to be made in discussing gender violence is that while any given man may not be violent, a stranger has no way of knowing who is capable of violence. In Everard’s case, the perpetrator is assumed to be a police officer. In theory, Everard could have felt safe seeing an authority figure in the area as she was walking home, only to find that he was a violent murderer.
As a man, part of being a feminist and working towards gender equality means thinking of how they may be perceived by women. Several men online have been posting steps for men to take when encountering a woman alone or at night, including crossing to the other side of the street, asking for permission to sit nearby, and talking on the phone to show that they are not focused on her. While some may say these are unnecessary actions, most women will agree that walking alone at night with a stranger a few feet behind is terrifying, and any of these precautions would help to feel safer.
As tragic as Evarard’s story is, hopefully, it will be a wake-up call for anyone who is still skeptical about the inequalities and dangers women face and prompt men to listen to women’s stories and educate themselves and their male friends about how to make all women feel safer in their presence.