It’s been a few months to say the least since I last talked to a former flame. Since the last time I talked to this person, a lot has changed. I’m a lot happier, things have been going extremely well in my life, and I can say I’ve been sleeping well knowing I will never have to talk to this person again. That is until I get that dreaded unknown number text, which then turns out to be him.
Instead of panicking and crying in a corner, I did what any sane person should do:
- Be polite. Now to be fair, I shouldn’t have been polite by any means, but what is the point of having hostility between us both when we have mutual friends, attend the same school, and go to the same places? Nothing. I might as well be a good person versus being a b*tch because nothing good would come out of being mean, and I am in no place to have negativity in my life.
- Be Direct. I didn’t do this but I should have. I regret not asking why suddenly he felt the need to see how I was doing, versus back then when I actually needed him to see how I was doing (I was not at a good place and I will leave it at that.) Truthfully, I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to seem like I cared, when in truth, I did care. If you do or don’t want to talk to your ex, be direct about it.
- Be honest. I also didn’t do this, but truthfully I was more scared about confronting my feelings and confronting the place I was at five months ago, than I was about being honest. I wish I had the chance to tell him he hurt me but that I was thankful that he did. I would suggest doing this, only if you’re willing to put yourself out there.
- It’s okay to still be upset, just don’t take it out on them or anyone else. I won’t lie, having this person come back into my life (even if it was briefly) took a toll on me. I was still upset and confused (by my own doing, for not doing the last two things), but I knew I couldn’t take my anger out on him, my friends, or myself. There was a lot going on at the time when we were a thing, and as much as I wish I could go back and change things, I know I can’t and I have to live with it all.
- Move on. Not to sound cold, but it’s time to put the feelings to rest. What’s done is done is my family’s motto, meaning everything has been said and done and now we need to focus on what’s in front of us. He was a great person, the way things ended sucked, and now it’s time to keep going and keep doing everything in my power to achieve my goals.
Not to rub it in his face that I am doing well despite him, I am doing well because of him. I needed the ending of whatever we had because the truth of the matter was, I wanted this idea of perfection, that I was okay and unstoppable, and I wasn’t. I was crashing and burning fast, the ending of what we were broke me but it got me the help I needed, it let me make new and amazing friends that got me out of my comfort zone. I couldn’t be more thankful for that. I hurt a lot of people in the process of us ending, and I think the person I hurt the most was myself. But time will heal any wound and I promise you, it will only get better.
-Kaylin.