- “Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become YOUR WORDS. Keep your words positive because your words become YOUR BEHAVIOR. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes YOUR HABITS. Keep your habits positive because your habits become YOUR VALUES. Keep your values positive because your values become YOUR DESTINY.” -Gandhi
There were three things in my life that I believed validated who I was:
- Academics
- Hair Dyes/Hair Cuts
- Piercings
These three things accumulated over time because of the values I believed they held in my life.
ACADEMICS:
Throughout my entire life academics, I was held at a high pedestal. I never put much thought into my academics until middle school. Everyone at that time had a tendency of aiming as an ‘A’ student that made the honor roll. Of course, I had to be one of those students for the recognition and significance. Later in high school, I tried to maintain the same mentality the best way I could, but towards the end of my high school years, I soon realized my validation is beyond school. I have more to give out to the world, I just have yet reached it.
I am in college now and my academics is one of my top priorities, but also my mentality. I try to balance out the two with time management, planning, and organization.
HAIR DYES/ HAIR CUT:
In my previous article, “Hair Insecurities,” I mentioned the times I cut my hair. I honestly was living for it. I have gained so much confidence doing so. (Highly recommend if you ever question if you should cut your hair!)
However, my biggest problems were against my hair. Every moment I felt sad or went through a phase, my first thought would be I need to change my hair because I believed maybe I would like myself more. (Don’t get me wrong it worked but only for the moment). I would dye my hair different colors thinking I have a different identity, but I was always the same Diana that had the same mentality and was dealing with the same problems constantly.
My question was…
WHY? (Why don’t I feel different?)
I did not feel different because I did not think differently about myself. If I continued with the mentality that my hair cuts and hair dyes defined me then I would’ve been stuck battling the same mentality. My problem was that I was not trying to face who I was.
PIERCINGS:
First, I can say I love all piercings because the most of them have a story behind them. It definitely brought out an artistic side to me, but deep down I finally understood why I got piercings in the first place.
Three words…PAIN and BEAUTY.
***Pain:
If anyone has a slight obsession with piercings then they know that it is a slight relief of pain. My first piercing was my nose piercing and as everyone would say it would hurt the most. Honestly, it was quite the opposite for me.
It was a release of pain because it did not compare to the life experiences I endure every day. It felt like a getaway within those few temporary moments.
***Beauty:
When it comes to beauty and piercings, I just want to say it is artistic. Through piercings, you can express yourself in various ways. Through my experiences, it emphasized how I stopped caring what people think of me or how they perceive me.
There is always a “but” behind my story though. My but is…I was hiding behind a facade. I went back to the shop every month because I felt like one or two piercings were not enough to cover how I feel about myself.
I wanted to feel different…I wanted to look different…I wanted to be different but my mentality remained the same throughout those times. There would be no ‘difference’ if my mind did not change.
I had to reevaluate myself and ask myself…
What is the urgency of having multiple piercings making you feel right now?
Do they define you?
At a point in time, they did define me. I believed if I did not have something “added” to me my validation was slight to none. It’s crazy but true. My identity had to be seen as something external because everyone else sees how I am on the outside.
Two years ago from today, I always questioned what defines me as a person. Now as of today, I gained to realize so much about myself. The way I felt back then could have been related to the limited resources I had. Since being in college, my experiences and resources have expanded to where my voice can finally be heard through different platforms.