My boyfriend and I celebrate two incredible years of being together this May. These two years have changed me entirely and have been astounding and beautiful. However, like everything, it hasn’t been perfect, and there were things that we didn’t expect to be so vitally important.
Together, we’ve found that:
The secret to a long-lasting relationship is rooted in compromise and concession.
We met in college and began dating shortly after our second year. Luckily, we didn’t have to encounter the awkward high school relationship phase, but it was still scary. I feel like the scariness came from our circumstances because college is when you start to figure out what you want and who you want to be.
When you’re trying to discover who you are, it’s necessary to seek partners who will either grow with you or let you grow without inhibiting your maturity. Being someone’s first love sounds magical, and although it is something special, it’s also something hard to maneuver.
That’s why compromise and concession are the backbones of relationships, especially young ones like mine. Compromise especially should be the central focus because it’s hard to relinquish control. We, as human beings, strive to be in control and many factors impede that surrender, such as pride and selfishness.
Being in a long-lasting relationship has taught me to put both my pride and ego on the back burner. It’s taught me that it should never be me versus him in an argument, but rather us versus the issue. In the early days of our relationship, we both had to get over our need to be “always right.” Now, we compromise on everything.
We only ever fight if it’s genuinely significant, or we feel we can’t move past the situation without talking about it. Other than that, we try not to argue by compromising, and this is where the latter half of my advice comes in. Conceding doesn’t mean “losing,” just like being right doesn’t mean “winning.” In a relationship, you’re both equals, so there can’t ever be one “winner.”
Sometimes compromising isn’t easy, especially when you find yourself nitpicking the little things. “I shouldn’t do X because he never does Y.” It’s essential to see past these petty thoughts and acknowledge that conceding is sometimes the best option.
Conceding doesn’t mean you stop talking about what matters, or you ignore heated topics. Instead, it means overlooking the small things that bother you because it’s not worth it to argue about them. Letting go of trivial situations gives you more time and energy to focus on the real things that matter and shows maturity and growth.
Being in a long-lasting relationship comes with many things that you can’t possibly prepare for, but the two most important factors to keep in mind are compromise and concession. Once you master the art of both, your relationship with your partner will flourish and thrive endlessly.
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