Short answer: it depends. Any relationship solely relies on the people within the relationship. Despite long-distance relationships (LDR) not having the best probabilities, it’s obviously possible. Relationships in college alone are difficult. When entering college, there’s an important transition, from teenhood to adulthood. This transition can be strenuous and difficult, and many times LDR is born.
Plenty of high school sweethearts make it into their dream college and leave home, however, it’s unlikely that both people in the relationship make it into the same college. Oftentimes, one moves away to one place and the other moves to a different place, or one leaves and one stays home. There are many different variations and possibilities for life outside of high school, however, the majority of those possibilities include LDR.
If you’re in this position and are desperately seeking advice, then fret not! I’m here to be the advice-giving, loving, but brutally honest older sister for you. I am speaking from my own personal experience and research, so understand that one size doesn’t fit all.
The Beginning
At the beginning of any LDR, we usually reassure our partner a billion times and promise it’ll work. And although that’s not a bad thing, normally the reality of it all doesn’t hit immediately. It took me a full month to realize that I’m committing to an LDR, and it’s not gonna get any easier. Once the reality sets in and you begin to get into the rhythm of college life, that’s when it becomes troubling.
In the beginning, you’re still trying to understand who you even are. What’s your purpose in college? Why are you here? What classes are you taking? Have you chosen your major yet? Do you want to switch majors? All these questions are whirling into a tornado, toppled with the stress of your partner no longer being by your side. However, this independence can spark growth and development. You learn what works for you and what doesn’t, but I promise you that your schedule is still looking pretty hectic.
How am I supposed to make time for my sweetie? Talk it out! This whole journey boils down to communication. You must communicate with your partner and understand that their life could be just as, if not, more hectic than yours. Send each other’s schedules, plan out free time (calling, FaceTiming, playing video games together, etc.) so you don’t have to worry or wonder when they’ll finally text you back. They’re probably stuck in a 3 hour lab.
The Middle
After the three month mark is when it gets a bit tricky. Arguments start to pop up, and maybe there just isn’t enough time in the day to talk to one another. Maybe you just got a job and the hours change weekly, or maybe your partner now has to go to tutoring and it’s on a whim. These conflicts arise the more you get involved on campus (which you definitely should!) and that’s okay. I highly recommend this apps to help keep track of what is going on in each other’s lives.
TimeTree allows either to input dates on a virtual calendar so you can both keep track of what the other is doing. Personally, I’m headed towards 1 year of pure LDR, and this app helps keep everything in order amidst the chaos. You can even write cute memos or put descriptions of the events you’re holding. TimeTree is for sure a lifesaver, one quick glance and you know when your partner is busy and when your partner is free. The app is completely free and easy to use!
Another one of my suggestions would be to have dates and spark up what you and your partner used to do before college and before LDR. A cute website to use is here.fm it’s essentially a virtual chat room where you can stream and play videos/TV Shows/movies. I’ve used it before, and it’s so much fun! Even if you think it’s stupid to have an online date, believe me, it can create joy and reconnect you with your partner despite being miles apart.
The End(ish)
However, note that in order for there to be a happy and healthy relationship, there must be compromises and sacrifices. Some relationships aren’t made to last, sometimes a relationship can be a lesson. Maybe the person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with isn’t the one, and that’s okay. There can be many endings to relationships, happy or sad. LDR doesn’t always have to make or break a couple. LDR can often inspire growth and change by promoting maturity. Learning that your partner can’t do whatever you want whenever you want is important to learn right away. Understand that relationships are about coexisting, not codependency.
Compromises and sacrifices must be made in relationships. Maybe you need to sacrifice a girl’s night out because it’s been a few days since you called your partner. Or maybe you and your partner must come to an agreement, which chips away at what you both want. Remember that neither you nor your partner is perfect. Arguments rarely end in a perfect solution, and actually, it’s normal to just let arguments go. Sometimes it’s okay to go to bed angry or let arguments go unresolved, that’s just how life works. Not every single problem has a solution, and time heals all wounds.
LDR can bring out the problems you may have buried up to face value. Being miles away from someone can strengthen your relationship, but don’t feel worried if you don’t feel connected or the cupcakes and butterflies you felt before. It can be really hard to feel lovey-dovey through a screen, believe me. But remember the person behind the screen, and remember the end goal of your circumstances.
Another beneficial app I highly recommend is Evergreen. This app opens perspectives and teaches better communication in a relationship hands-on. Such as quizzing you and your partner on each other’s favorite movie, or asking what your love language is. Understanding yourself and how you communicate is a vital skill, not just for relationships but for life in general.
Try and visit your partner on winter/spring/summer breaks, or special holidays. Your relationship doesn’t always have to be unicorns and rainbows, there’s going to be hardships and bumpy roads, maybe you’ll feel bored after the lack of physical touch. But don’t self-sabotage or be apprehensive of your relationship for these reasons, focus on the good and count the days until you see your sweetie again!