People lose things in their life that held significant value in their lives like people, treasured items and even pets. Dealing with the loss of someone or something you care about is incredibly hard; and I am no stranger to this. Recently, I lost my best friend. To some, pets are just pets, they don’t mean too much– so they don’t understand when others get really upset about losing their beloved four legged fur baby. When I was younger, I had a Beagle which I named Fluffy to commemorate the loss of my best friends dog at the time. When I was in 8th grade, she was diagnosed with cancer, and my uncle gifted us with a Shih Tzu from the litter of puppies his dogs had. At first, I wanted nothing to do with this little ball of fur because I felt like Fluffy was getting replaced and she wasn’t even gone yet. Once she passed, it was really hard on me. She was my whole life, the first dog I ever had, and the one who got me over the fear of dogs. I found myself wanting this Shih Tzu less and less, until one day I was watching a video of Fluffy and I was crying, and the Shih Tzu came, jumped on my lap to watch with me, tilting her head to the side, and then licking my tears away. It was that day that I fell in love with my little Cosita. I let her become my best friend, and a few years later she got a sister; another Beagle I so happily named Nala to fuel my Disney obsession. Unfortunately, this year in February Cosita got sick. She was fighting with low blood platelets and if she so much as bumped herself on a piece of furniture, she could bleed out internally. It was really scary but we got her on medication right away and she was doing better. February 28th, she had a fever at night and was nauseous as well. We rushed her to the doctor and they told us they’d keep her overnight to see what they could find. March 1st, we had to make the decision to put her down. She was too high risk to operate on, and the abscess they found in her liver was too large. It was the hardest and saddest day of my life. I didn’t know what to do, or what to think. I was numb. I finally did what I do when in situations like this, and I wrote her a good-bye letter, a thank you for being in my life; here it is:
Cosita, you were the biggest blessing I received back in 8th grade when Fluffy passed away.
You filled our home with your identical beagle howl, and the soft pitter patter of your paws running around.
You helped me come out of a place of darkness, and I could never thank you for that.
You comforted fluffy until she took her last breath, and then you comforted me while I tried to find mine.
Cosita you’ve been a huge part of my life, and I know you helped nurture Nala when she came along, even though you hated it at first.
Thank you for being in our lives, and loving us every time.
I know you didn’t like kisses, but when you gave them to us, they were sweeter than honey.
I will miss your stinky breath in the mornings, and you clawing my face when you wanted me to keep rubbing your ears.
I will miss the way you howled like a beagle, and the way you slept next to me in the mornings.
I will miss the way your fur felt between my fingers, and the way you liked to sniff everything before you ate it bc you were always so picky.
I will miss taking you to Ecuador and seeing you swing on the hammock, and dressing you up for the holidays.
I will miss you playing with Nala and being her sister, but most of all I will miss you being in my arms.
I know you’re no longer suffering, and I will always hate myself for not knowing how to help you get better so you didn’t have to leave us so soon.
I will never be ok not knowing how this happened and wishing I could’ve done more, but I will be okay knowing you’re in a better place and I will see you again one day.
Run with fluffy again, and say hi to your dad for me.
Make sure you tell them I love them and miss them endlessly and will give them belly rubs when it’s my turn to go.
Watch over me. Watch over Nala. Watch over us.
I will miss you Cosita. Always and always.
“When destiny calls you, you must be strong
I may not be with you
But you got to hold on
They’ll see in time, I know
We’ll show them together….
Always I’ll be with you
I’ll be there for you always
Always and always
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
Just look over your shoulder
I’ll be there
Always” -Tarzan.
*In loving memory of Cosita, thank you for existing.