Alyson Stoner is a name that many recognize from her roles in Cheaper by the Dozen and the Camp Rock movies. On Friday, March 30, the former Disney Channel Star released an essay in which she opens up about her experience of falling in love with a woman for the first time.
photo courtesy of: ABC News
In her story, which was published in Teen Vogue, Stoner describes how her relationship with her former dance instructor began and how it changed her life. “My friend invited me to a trial dance workshop experimenting with floor work and learning to utilize the ground in freestyle and choreography. I was running late and tiptoed to the back as everyone drilled the first move. I skimmed the room to find the instructor.”
“There she was, wearing loose jeans and a backward snapback. She flipped and rolled her body around with adventure and total abandon. As a Type A perfectionist, I was mesmerized and intimidated.”
From the moment they met, Stoner knew that woman would play an important role in her life. “I left the workshop and texted my mother and best friend, saying, ‘I met a woman today, I’m not sure who she is or what I’m feeling, but I think she’s going to be in my life for a very long time.'”
As their friendship, and eventual relationship formed, Stoner found herself struggling with the feelings she was having for this woman. “Our bond didn’t feel quite sisterly or platonic,” she explains, “I realized I had never fantasized about a guy this way, nor really ever felt comfortable dating guys. Come to think of it, I stared at women’s bodies more than anything. But wasn’t that just societal conditioning or the unattainable beauty standards that fuel comparison and objectification? I refused to entertain other possibilities.”
photo courtesy of: People
For years, Stoner went to therapy to try to find the explanation for her feelings. She consulted pastors who tried to eliminate her attraction to this woman, and even pursued physical relationships with men to convince herself that her feelings were “just a spiritual battle attacking my character and discernment.” In addition to the internal struggles she was facing, Stoner also worried about others would think of her if she came out. “I didn’t want to get this wrong. After all, not only was I trying to be a ‘good and upright’ person, but I’m also a public figure with responsibility and extreme pressure.”
“Some people in the industry warned me that I’d ruin my career, miss out on possible jobs, and potentially put my life in danger if I ever came out. My dream and all I’d worked tirelessly for since the age of 6 was suddenly at risk by my being . . . true to myself.”
Stoner writes about how through this difficult time, this woman was always there for her. “She strengthened and inspired me, creating a space for me to discover myself without judgment.” Stoner’s new single “When It’s Right”, which was released alongside this essay, is inspired by this woman and her experience of falling in love.
She closes out the essay with words of inclusion for others who are going through similar experiences, and encourages them to go out and look for support from others like herself. Her final request is for people to accept her as she has learned to accept herself.
photo courtesy of: Twitter
“I, Alyson, am attracted to men, women, and people who identify in other ways. I can love people of every gender identity and expression. It is the soul that captivates me. It is the love we can build and the goodness we can contribute to the world by supporting each other’s best journeys.”
thumbnail courtesy of: Enstarz