Throughout my twenty years of existence, I do not regret one single event or decision that I have made up until this point. Had those things not happened, I would not have the mentality or wisdom that I do today. I would not be living my best life in college or met the amazing people I have or even have gotten the opportunities that I have had (one of them being the opportunity to share knowledge here on Her Campus!). There are certain things that I wish I would have known when I was younger because maybe it would have saved me much pain. But then again, how would we know joy if we did not have the pain to compare it to? I wanted to share with you the twenty most valuable life lessons I have learned up until now and although I still have much more to learn, I hope this serves as motivation and opens some eyes.
1. Not everyone has the same heart as you.
If this has not been the hardest pill to swallow for me, I don’t know what is. From a young age, I have been the opposite of what others may perceive me as. As tough as I come off, I have always been the person to go out of my way for people, even if I don’t know them. I would end up hurt many times because, although I did not do things to get anything out of it, sometimes those people would take it for granted. What I mean by this is, I would be there for someone, make plans, always be reaching out more than the other person, and I would barely ever receive the same energy back. Growing up, I didn’t socialize with many kids my age since I was 8 years older than my brother and all my close cousins were in another country, so this made me want to have lots of friends when it came to being social. I was extremely innocent, so I’d let people walk all over me. I don’t regret this one bit and although I’ve learned to set boundaries and self-respect, it is still part of who I am to be kind sometimes. The only difference is, now I have accepted and come to terms with the fact that not everyone will be like how I am with others. I am no longer surprised or hurt if my energy is not reciprocated. I am content and satisfied knowing I did the right thing and just don’t take it personally anymore.
2. Set boundaries.
My prior lesson led me to this one: setting boundaries. Doing the right thing is important, but simply be mindful of the extent to which you will go for someone who is taking you for granted. Due to my experiences, I have developed something that I like to call the sixth sense and that is, being able to see right through people and their true colors. People’s intentions are usually pretty obvious if you look closely, and yes if you have to analyze them a bit before getting too close then so be it. The people you surround yourself should be encouraging you to be your best self, not bringing you down. So, learn how to separate the two and spot the red flags.
3. Not everything is the end of the world.
The friends you have in middle school and high school do not NEED to be your friends forever. If for whatever reason, you no longer associate with some of your old friends, it is not something to dwell over but rather accept that you have outgrown that friend group. In life, some things just have an expiration date and it’s only realistic. Now, there are definitely many cases where people do stay friends. I still talk to many of my childhood friends. However, I am talking about the friends you have through certain phases of your life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with YOU if someone stops talking to you or a situation just didn’t go your way. It’s part of life and believe me it goes on. Sometimes what you thought you wanted at the moment wasn’t really what you needed in the long run.
4. Heartbreak is necessary for growth.
Being heartbroken, whether it’s because a specific college of your dreams did not accept your application, your best friend of 10 years decided to not be friends with you anymore, your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with you, or whatever you are going through is causing you pain, it is MEANT to happen. This is going to build you, thicken your skin, and get you ready for the next obstacle. In life, there will always be a situation you have to deal with. Don’t view it as pain. It is not happening to you, it’s happening for you.
5. All you have is right now.
It is natural to dwell on the past and think of what was and also anticipate the future and think of what could be. But, if you don’t stop and appreciate what you currently have, you’re going to regret not enjoying this and living it to the fullest. That may sound cheesy, but I mean that in every aspect. I wasted a lot of time and energy worrying about the wrong things. For example, worrying about my friends so much that I wouldn’t even be present at the dinner table. Now, being in the moment fills my heart so much more knowing I currently have two healthy parents, a little brother, food on my plate, and valuable conversations over dinner. Yesterday already happened and the future is not promised. It is all just a movie in your head. Live your movie now, the camera is not going to stop rolling for you. Don’t blink, because you may just miss the little things which essentially, end up being the big things.
6. What you give is what you get.
Whatever you put out into the universe, is what you will receive back. If you’re giving the universe thanks, you will receive more to be grateful for. If you are blaming the universe for being unfair, you will receive more unfortunate situations. Make sure your actions are as pure and joyful as possible because everything you are doing and saying will come right back to you.
7. Happiness is not a destination.
The ultimate goal is not happiness. As mentioned before, life is happening right now as you are reading this, and tomorrow is not promised. Imagine living through life “trying” to be happy… you will encounter many reasons as to why you “can’t” be happy. There will always be traffic on the highway, people who won’t like you, professors and bosses giving you a hard time, etc. So, if you are relying on the world to be perfect and building this idea of a perfect life in your head, it’s just not going to happen because it’s life. Happiness lies within you and you realize that any situation can be good or bad, it just depends on how you decide to perceive it.
8. Less is more.
During my teenage years, I would sometimes dress a certain way or look for exterior things in order to feel more confident. At age 20, I can honestly say I feel my most confident when I have my hair down, soft to no makeup, a chill outfit on, and I am just vibing with my best friends and family at home. While going to extravagant restaurants is cool, it is not necessary to feel your best. Wearing a full face of makeup and heels all the time can be extremely draining. I used to not even walk out my door if I wasn’t dolled up from head to toe. Early into adulthood, I learned that there are so many things to get done that I won’t always have time to be out at the nicest spots, fully glammed up, surrounded by meaningless situations. I sometimes will do my makeup and look “on fleek”, but that’s only sometimes. In whatever state you are in, less is always more. Be you unapologetically and understand that you’re perfect as you are right now. You are just another creation of the same universe that has beautiful mountains, oceans, animals, plants. You are just another element of this perfect world, so realize it and accept it. Don’t stress to be more because it is draining you from your true beauty and will suck the happiness out of you.
9. Pace yourself.
You are not in a hurry to go anywhere! You have the rest of life and you’re still extremely young so just relax. Take everything with a grain of salt. There are situations where students get to college and their “dream” major is not what they thought it was and realized it’s not for them. Your friends’ LinkedIn profiles will sometimes be better or worse than yours. Others have reached their fitness goals, while you’re still struggling to figure out what works best for you. This is not a race to see who gets where first. Drake once said, “It’s not about who did it first, it’s about who did it right,” (and yes, I just quoted Drake lyrics, it’s only right when I am being philosophical haha!). I am not saying to not strive for your best self because I think we should all always strive to be our best. But, sometimes even your best isn’t enough because of the circumstances you may have and honestly, just trust the timing. Again, don’t stress yourself trying to “be at someone else’s level” because you may be blinded by that desperation, not realizing that your true calling and opportunities may be standing right in front of you.
10. Everyone has their perception of their own reality.
Some people will see things differently than you. Don’t blame them, just understand that we all have different experiences and upbringings. While you may think that what someone is doing is a complete mistake and they should be called out on it, sometimes they just really don’t believe what they are doing is wrong. A really important example I must point out is, our parents. Parents did not come with a parenting manual and they usually do the best they can for their kids. Don’t hold grudges or hatred towards them because maybe they are just trying to give you what’s best for you and like any other human, they are capable of making mistakes too.
11. Be kind to those who really love you.
We could be so blinded by meaningless, temporary situations growing up that we forget to hug our grandparents or ask our parents how their day is going. Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture because, at the end of the day, they are the ones who will be there for you when no one else is. Sometimes we are the ones taking advantage of others, so it’s best to not be that person in someone else’s life. Check up on your best friends and family and never forget where you came from!
12. Not everything deserves a reaction.
Just because something was done to you or said about you, doesn’t mean you need to go out of your way to call someone out or “get even.” Don’t get even, just be better. Revenge will take you nowhere and much less holding grudges or counting favors. As mentioned earlier, everything comes full circle and if someone is doing or saying evil things to you, they will learn eventually. Just don’t try to hurt them back because it will only hurt yourself.
13. It’s not all about you.
Don’t take it all personally! I feel like this is self-explanatory but honestly, it really is not always about you. Sometimes people get so caught up in their head like, “me me me”, that they create this noise and insecurity in their head. I have been there, as well as everyone else. When you catch yourself thinking that the world is out to get you, snap out of it and realize many others have it worse.
14. Your plan will not always work out.
The universe has its own timing. If I would have had everything go my way, I wouldn’t have ended up where I was meant to be. I would not have learned any of these lessons to begin with and I wouldn’t have had the friends I have now. Let life guide you and surrender! Don’t try to force situations because really, it will drain you. There is a plan for everyone.
15. Don’t take anything for granted.
Don’t take this moment for granted or your parents, or the food on your plate, or the roof over your head. The fact that you are even waking up every single day is already a blessing and many people wish to be in your shoes. You are going to be poor for some people and rich to other people. Just know that everything you have is for a reason. Our childhood goes by so fast… you blink one day and all of a sudden, you have a job and you’re in college and in your 20’s and you’re just like “WHAT?!” So, don’t forget to cherish even the things that seem small and be grateful for it all.
16. You literally only live once so go for it.
Not telling you to be reckless, but if you really want that tattoo and you’ve wanted it for so long, go do it. If you’ve been wanting to talk to someone for long but haven’t, do it. If you have been wanting to book a trip, do it too! Okay, but for sure wait until after Coronavirus is gone for that. What I am trying to say is, don’t hesitate or limit yourself. Don’t tell yourself you are not good enough. Michael Jordan did not become an NBA player in one day. But, he never stopped trying or going for what he wanted. Don’t live a life of “what if’s.” What do you have to lose?
17. There’s no such thing as failure.
It is either a win or a less, enough said.
18. Give your all to it or don’t do it at all.
Don’t half-ass anything! I’m all for taking risks and never saying no to anything but, if you aren’t going to give it your all, why do it at all? So many people wish to have certain opportunities you have at the moment. Appreciate that and just give it your all. Again, you have absolutely nothing to lose. If you fail, you learned something. If you fall, you get back up much stronger. For example, if I am in the middle of an intense workout training and I feel like I’m out of breath mid-set and I no longer want to do it, I am not going to tell myself that and give energy to all these negative “I can’t” thoughts. No, I am going to keep pushing and keep going because I am lucky enough to be healthy to do these exercises. In the end, it is all going to pay off. Life is meant to be of sacrifice, so don’t back out! You got this.
19. Be kind to your body.
This one, I really wish I would have known. Personally, I had always had clear skin and a slim physique growing up. So, I would eat tons of chocolate and greasy burgers and milkshakes like there was no tomorrow. I wouldn’t exercise one bit, besides my dancing practices. “Why would I watch what I eat or how active I am, if I’m content with how I look?” I thought. And boy, did that take a toll on my mental health. Not being active made me feel tired 80% of the time and eventually, my body caught up with all the food I was in-taking. I started to break out and I lost all my muscles after I stopped dancing. Besides not looking how I wanted to look, it was beyond that. I had the mentality and energy of a 60 year old. How you treat your body is a reflection of your self-love. So, love yourself and treat your body the right way. The resources are at your fingertips, one click away!
20. Treat others with compassion.
When you treat people with judgment, hatred, envy, or any negativity, it is only a reflection of yourself. It is so much easier to be kind, understand others, put yourself in their shoes, and be empathetic. I have learned so much more from others around me once I learned to not just hear, but listen. I no longer hear people and plan whatever I am going to say next while they’re talking. Now, I practice actively listening to really see the other person’s point of view. You will go absolutely nowhere if you are blocking out everyone else’s emotions but yours. Your knowledge won’t expand at all, therefore blocking any growth possible. And on top of that, you never know what battles others are fighting so just be kind and, as I always say, spread love!