It’s fall which means pretty much everyone is rewatching Gilmore Girls. When I watched the show the first time around, I always felt a personal connection to Rory and immediately saw myself in her character. As someone who experiences self doubt from time to time and can relate to the feeling of being lost, it was refreshing to watch a character go through these same emotions. However, when I found myself reading Gilmore Girls discourse online, I saw that so many people flat out hate Rory Gilmore. I continuously see comments like “I only like Chilton Rory” or “Rory had a downfall once she went to Yale.” I thought to myself, Are we not allowed to ever make mistakes as we grow up? If this many people feel so negatively towards a fictional character, it leaves me wondering how they feel about real people like myself who face the same internal struggles.
This leaves us with a bigger question at hand: Why does society so harshly criticize young women who make mistakes?
While Rory Gilmore attended Yale, Mitchum Huntzberger, someone who she highly respected in the journalism industry, offered her an internship at his newspaper. As someone who has been working towards being a journalist her whole life up to this point, Rory was enthusiastic and confident. When Mr. Huntzberger told her he didn’t believe she had what it takes to fulfill her career goals, of course she was devastated. So many viewers rush to judge Rory for breaking down and giving up, but when you have your mind set to one goal your entire life and it all seems to come tumbling down in one moment, it is only natural to want to take a step back. In all honesty, if I were in Rory’s shoes, I would have done the same thing. My confidence would have shattered. I have always sympathized with her character during this situation and don’t understand people’s anger towards her. If I was working towards something my entire life and was told I was succeeding by everyone around me, but someone who I admire told me I should give up on that dream, I would most definitely spiral. It is normal to want to take a step back and take time to reflect. Feeling hopeless is a normal reaction that you shouldn’t feel ridiculed for.
Rory’s character also receives a lot of hate due to the ways she has acted in her friendships and romantic relationships. Yes, Rory may have hurt some people as the show went on, but she was navigating growing up just the way everyone else does. Even as an adult in her college years, she did not always make the best decisions, but this is what makes her a realistic, complex character who has flaws. All of us viewers are not perfect in our everyday lives either. Mistakes do not define who we are. Rory grew up with an unreliable father who was not present in her life and that messed up her perception of love. Ever since a young age, she has felt an enormous pressure to always succeed and the burn out eventually caught up to her. She was expected to always be the “golden child,” by her mother, neighbors, and grandparents. As someone who grew up being put on a pedestal by everyone around her, Rory was never prepared for any unexpected hardships and therefore did not know how to deal with them.
Going back to that feeling of burn out, when I do not do well on a test or assignment, I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to quite literally give up on everything. That one grade makes me doubt all of my abilities and everything I have accomplished so far. In my head, it is so easy to believe I am not good enough. As someone who has been experiencing this since middle school, what has helped me get through this is self reflection. I try to write down everything I am proud of myself for accomplishing. When I am ready, I like to plan out ways I can improve for next time and areas in which I can continue to learn. I allow myself to feel the disappointment, but try to not let it consume me. It is okay to wallow. But it is also okay to remind yourself that a grade is not a label. Watching Rory during these episodes was like watching myself on the screen. Watching flawed female characters helps me realize that I am not alone in my struggles.
I have also curated a playlist for all of those who can relate to Rory Gilmore:
- Nothing New (Taylor’s Version) [From The Vault] (feat. Phoebe Bridgers) – Taylor Swift
- mirrorball – Taylor Swift
- this is me trying – Taylor Swift
- Writer In the Dark – Lorde
- Yes I’m Changing – Tame Impala
- Ribs – Lorde
- champagne problems – Taylor Swift
- Oh No! – Marina and the Diamonds
- Midnight Rain – Taylor Swift
- Fade into You – Mazzy Star
- How to Dream – Sam Phillips