What happens when a new, confusing time period of your life happens? A new Taylor Swift song to relate to is unlocked. I’m turning twenty-two in less than a week, and instead of “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty-two,” I find myself relating to “How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at twenty-two?”
I was a few months away from being eighteen when Nothing New was released, and I seriously thought I had everything figured out. I knew exactly what my next steps were and couldn’t be more excited for my future.
Now I am about to be twenty-two years old and truly feel like I know nothing. I was always told that the transition from college to post-grad is a difficult and confusing time. When I was younger, I ignored that because I always knew what was next and had it all planned out; I never thought it would affect me. What they don’t tell you is that the things you wanted then might not still be the things you want. You don’t know where you even want to be. Do you want to stay where you are, move across the country, or move across the world? There are so many different directions to go, and I think that is the scariest thing of all. When I was eighteen, all I wanted was a job in fashion post-grad in New York, and I’m proud of myself for achieving that, but why don’t I feel fulfilled? No one prepares you for the possibility that the dream version of yourself might outgrow the dream. When all I want to do is frolic around life without a care in the world, but apparently, that isn’t realistic.
In retrospect, on why it’s such a weird feeling, I found myself happy and excited about being in New York. There are so many different paths to take, and the worst part of having so many options is the what-ifs that come with everyone. What if I moved? What if I go back to school? What if I backpacked around the world? There are so many what-ifs that it drowns out the excitement that is standing in front of you.
I think ultimately the uncertainty is scary and intimidating. You will never truly be certain of what you truly desire in life. All you can do to know if you are where you’re meant to be is to be in the moment. Don’t think of the other paths you could have taken because you are where you are for a reason. Don’t let the confusions of adulthood dim how you’re feeling about twenty-two.