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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

Dating Men in Big Cities Isn’t For The Weak 

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at FIT chapter.

Dating men in big cities like New York and LA is NOT for the weak. “Situationships” and FWB have become such phenomenons in women’s love lives that the standards of dating have been decreasing. Nobody is even looking to settle down anymore, it’s all about the hook up culture. Sad, but true. While there are still some good ones out there (hopefully), majority are already cuffed. 

It’s no wonder why most women in big cities nowadays have remained single for so long or are continuously struggling to find the right person. If you’ve got Hinge, Bumble, Raya, or Tinder, there’s not even a point because almost everyone is still looking to “Go out for drinks” or something “Casual”. What happened to REAL dates? Or even what happened to complimenting someone in person and asking for their numbers- not in a club while you’re drunk and not for their social media. Apparently, meet cutes rarely happen anymore.

Men find it funny when women set such high standards or read romance novels and watch movies and want a man like the fictional character they see. What’s so funny about a man respecting a women, wanting to get to know them, continuosly thinking about how amazing they are, and falling in love? When your love life is looking like “Wanna come over at midnight?” or “Meet me at this bar. I’m with a few bros, bring your hot friends if you have any”, it’s obvious why standards should be kept high… 

“I’m 22 years old and I was going out with a 33 year old man for a few months. I told him I’m ready for a relationship. He freaked out on me, and ghosted me…” – AC, New York 

“I’ve been on many dates with this one guy, and he said he can’t be serious with me because I was a virgin.” -HF, New York 

“Every time I go on a date from a dating app, it never works out because the man is only looking to hook up. Mind you, they’re always older than 28.” -SM, Boston

“One time, I was approached by a man when I was at a bar and he was drunk, he tried to buy me a drink, but I said no since I don’t drink. He pretended to be interested in me and was trying to take me home, I also said no, and then he proceeded to go flirt with three other girls in front of me, doing the same thing.” – MS, Los Angeles

“I hooked up with a man once I met from a bar. The next day, I was stalking him and found out he has a whole wife. Men here are never serious about anything.” -LD, New York 

“Dating here is a waste of my time. Every man I give a chance finds some way to mentally ruin my life. I honestly think of Billie Eilish and when she said “You give an ugly guy a chance, he thinks he rules the world.” That is literally how it is dating in New York.” – SH, New York

One of the main reasons it’s so hard to date realistically in big cities is because so many people move from colleges where they didn’t have that “City lifestyle”. They’re still in their ‘Frat bro’ era and want to get with the hottest girls in town. Even if they’re fully old enough to buy a house and have a child, it doesn’t matter because they’re still in that hook up phase. Another thing is a lot of the men don’t even want the “Cool, independent, fashionable, artsy” girl that live in cities and have an amazing personality. They choose to go with the more convenient and basic option (nothing wrong with being basic), so they can be the “Cooler one” in the relationship. They’re also trying to find the Kendall Jenner/ Hailey Bieber city girl look-alike that fits “Society’s beauty standards” even though it is completely unrealistic when there are so many diverse, beautiful, and thriving women in the city.

In big cities, everyone is always busy with work, side hustles, events, etc. It makes sense why many people keep things casual since they have “no time” for real relationships, but it’s come to a point where this is the new normal when it comes to dating an adult man who acts like a 15 year old horny teenager.

Aneesha is a senior at the Fashion Institute of Technology studying Advertising and Marketing Communications focusing on journalism.