I am a junior in college, and probably not your idea of a normal one. My life looks nothing like those of girls who every Saturday and Sunday morning latergram pictures of themselves partying with their best friends. I wouldn’t survive two minutes in an ‘I’m Shmacked’ video, and I can’t even stomach the smell of something stronger than a fruity wine. However, I wasn’t always this way.
My first two years of college could have been characterized as pretty average. I spent many weekends in crop tops, slugging some mix drink that I convinced myself tasted sooooo good, and dancing among hundreds of other drunk, sweaty bodies. I also endured the resulting hangovers each morning after. Many people believe this to be the “typical college experience,” and I don’t necessarily disagree.
Giving up alcohol was not really a voluntary decision. I was exhausting myself due to my struggle with mental illness. I dealt with severe disordered eating throughout high school and during the first half of college, and was physically wearing myself down to the point where I lost all of my motivation. For reasons I am still unsure of, I tried so hard to hide my issues from my friends and family, which only added more stress to my life. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, and opening up to those I trust is the only way I could begin my healing process. Spring semester last year, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and mild depression, all of which were greatly interfering with my daily life. I began going to a therapist, but it wasn’t enough. My doctors believed I would be best suited on medication. One pill a day that could magically fix all my problems? Sounds perfect! But there’s a catch. Mixing my particular prescribed medication with alcohol, especially for someone with a small frame like my own, can be extremely dangerous, even fatal. I had to decide between my mental health and partying. I chose my mental health.
Sometimes not being able to drink is miserable. Let’s be honest: those crowded, sweaty, and loud parties that are so much fun when you’re drunk, can be a nightmare when sober. I’ve also realized that I don’t soberly have all that much in common with some of the friends I’ve made over the past couple years. I have to be careful not to isolate myself, but it gets old being referred to as “no fun” or “uptight” by people who are not aware of my situation.
However, eliminating alcohol from my life has not been entirely negative. The hours I used to spend binge drinking, partying, or in bed with a horrible hangover, I can now devote to other more productive and healthy activities. As mental and physical health go hand-in-hand, I have made my diet and daily gym sessions a priority. I can spend time fueling my creativity, which is very important to me. Also, I have no problem working late Friday nights or early Saturday mornings at my dream internship, and have already secured a job there for after graduation. I have become much more independent and comfortable spending time by myself, and have learned not to take for granted my true friends. Most importantly, I am recovering and I am proud of who I am. I may not be having your “typical college experience,” but there isn’t just one right way to do college.