10 Family Members at Every Thanksgiving Dinner
1. The Football Fanatic
Immediately turns on the TV after walking through the door. Has a designated spot on the couch. You can’t talk to them until commercial break. They would eat their Thanksgiving meal in front of the TV if they weren’t forced to sit at the table. Won’t acknowledge you if you root for the opposing team.
2. The Workaholic
Surrounded by their gadgets; they are commonly seen with a blue tooth attached to their ear and texting on their phone, while typing on their tablet. They will most-likely leave dinner early to make an important business call that couldn’t wait until the next day.
3. The Early Black-Friday Shopper
Shops the Early-Bird Thanksgiving sales. They’ll circle every item they plan to buy in the ads. Makes a game plan during dinner and recruits other Black-Friday shoppers. They’ll rush through dinner only to hop in the car to go stand in line for the midnight opening at Best-Buy.
4. The Drunk
Shows up buzzed, with plenty of booze in the trunk of their car. They’ll hide an extra flask in their coat, just in case. Will constantly make toasts during the dinner, which become more and more lewd. You may regret inviting them by the end of the night. But hey, they’ll tell some really great stories while they’re there.
5. The Conspiracy Theorist
They’ll turn any regular conversation into an argument over the existence of aliens and government mind control. Trust them, they’ve done all their research. If you argue against them they’ll just discredit you, politely of course, since you’re just not as informed as they are.
6. The Socialite
7. The Picky Eater
No chicken in the soup. No tomatoes in the salad. No crust on the bread. No dark meat. No gravy on the mashed potatoes. No whip-cream on the pie. And god-forbid the food touches!
8. The Iron Chef
Convinced their way is the only way to cook the turkey. They should know, they’ve watched every single episode of Master Chef. In fact, they even brought their own homemade cranberry sauce just incase there’s only the canned-kind. Don’t you dare step in their way, or else the turkey won’t be the only one without a head.
9. The Golden Child
A.k.a. The Suck-up. They’re everyone’s favorite student/athlete/volunteer. And can’t do anything wrong. They’ll boast about how they once saved a baby deer and nursed it back to health while fending off a wild boar. Your relatives will ask why you can’t be more like them. You’ll just shrug and roll your eyes.
10. That Guy
Who is he? Why is he here? Who invited him, anyway? Are we even related?