This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Exeter chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.
So you’ve split up with your man and you’re wondering how on earth you’re going to move on? One Her Campus Exeter writer spills the beans on her experiences and what you should and shouldn’t be doing when you “untie” the knot!
So I’m 22 years old and I’ve only ever been in one relationship – hardly a pro. Yet in retrospect, to call it a “relationship” seems silly; I’d prefer the term “dating” because it only lasted 6 weeks. Nevertheless, we coined it a “relationship” and even made the bold move of making it “Facebook official”. Unsurprisingly I suppose, we jinxed it, and it didn’t even last a week after that. In just a few days I’d gone from being “In a relationship with ***” to “In a relationship” with an unidentified individual: no-one!
It was my decision to end it; not because he’d done anything inherently wrong, but because I didn’t see a future. I was never one for “relationships of convenience”, and as a final year student, I didn’t want to find myself in a relationship purely for the sake of being in a relationship. But that doesn’t mean it was easy parting ways; I still liked him, just not enough. In fact, I still feel my heart pounding when I glimpse from a distance someone that looks a bit like him. And when the mystery man tilts his head to the side and I realise it’s not my ex, I admittedly feel disappointed. Ever felt this way?
Read on!
Do you absentmindedly find yourself trawling through his timeline to catch up on his life, and then become paranoid that every girl who has interacted with him is pursuing him? I know I have. It’s easy to find yourself Facebook stalking these girls, too, only to make cruel and unnecessary judgments about them. But where has all this resentment come from, and is it really making you feel better? What’s stopping you from letting go? Are you still treating him as “yours”, and resenting the idea that he could be moving on with his life and searching for love elsewhere? Remember ladies: Jealousy is the green-eyed monster!!
It’s easy to let the littlest things around you remind you of him. A poster on the wall, a song, a mutual friend…anything. Deadlines are edging nearer and the workload is mounting, and all you want is a man to snuggle up with on the sofa, or take you out for dinner. Your ex was the last person to do this, and so you naturally find yourself reminiscing about your relationship, and momentarily wishing you could wind back the clock. But ask yourself this question: do you miss him, or simply having a boyfriend?!
Cut off all communication. No drunk texting, no “I’m just checking in” messages. At least, not until substantial time has passed. I made the faux-pas of thinking we could be friends, but as we started off romantically, we didn’t have anything to default back to. I tried to make it an amicable split, so I would send messages here and there, but this doesn’t help with the healing process for either of you. Don’t give him hope to cling onto: breaking up with someone should be black and white, not a grey area. One foot in, one foot out, simply does not work. You broke up with him for a reason, so stick to your guns!
The only way to fully get over someone is to get them completely out of the picture. If deleting them on Facebook isn’t a viable option (or maybe that’s already happened), why not “unfollow” them? If you don’t want to be constantly bombarded with their pictures and statuses on your newsfeed, unfollowing them will solve this issue with the click of a button!
Looking for a rebound isn’t always the best option. For some, a rebound fling or a one night stand seems like a must for getting over a man, but this may not work for you. Why not take a fresh break and enjoy being single? Focus on achieving something else, and setting yourself targets. For example, signing up and training for a half-marathon, raising money for charity, or getting a part-time job, may be the distraction you need!
Don’t dwell on the relationship(s) that have been. Ultimately, time will help with the healing process, but a lot can be said for having a healthy outlook on life and positive thinking. As we move into spring, it’s time to make a fresh start and think forward. Forget about rainy days reminiscing about times gone by, and think about the sunshine and new conquests!
Photo credits: pinterest.com, weheartit.com