Life is hard, okay? Sometimes even the most basic tasks feel like climbing Mount Everest – except you’re in pyjamas, and the only thing waiting for you at the top is more responsibilities. If I could dream up inventions to make life infinitely lazier, these would be at the top of my wish list:
Automatic Pizza-Eating Fork
Honestly, why are we still lifting pizza slices to our faces in 2025? The Automatic Pizza-Eating Fork would gently twirl that cheesy slice and feed it to you. No hands required. Perfect for when you’re horizontal on the sofa, re-evaluating your life.
Self-Watering Sofa
I want plants in my home because they’re cute, but watering them? Absolutely not. Enter the Self-Watering Sofa: it’s comfy, it’s cosy, and it’s basically a jungle that takes care of itself. All you have to do is sit there and vibe.
Mood-Syncing Wardrobe
Deciding what to wear? Hard pass. The Mood-Syncing Wardrobe would scan your emotions and dress you in the perfect outfit for your day. Feeling meh? Boom, Primark Oodie. Need to impress? Instant power suit. Zero brain cells required.
Teleporting Fridge
Picture this: you’re lounging, and a snack craving hits. Instead of standing up (ugh), the Teleporting Fridge delivers your snack straight to your hand. Bonus points if it also zaps your dishes back into the dishwasher.
Hovering Laundry Basket
Laundry is the worst. The Hovering Laundry Basket would glide around your room like a loyal pet, picking up clothes and zooming them straight to the washer. I’ll name mine “Floaty.”
Time-Rewinding Alarm Clock
The snooze button is a scam. What I really need is a Time-Rewinding Alarm Clock that can give me 10 (30) extra minutes without messing up the rest of the day. Time travel? Yes, please. Just let me sleep.
Auto-Reply Glasses
Talking to people can be exhausting. The Auto-Reply Glasses would flash the perfect responses right in front of your eyes. Small talk, big talk – doesn’t matter. These glasses have your back when you’re running low on social battery.
Portable Gravity Bubble
Carrying stuff? Not in my lazy utopia. The Portable Gravity Bubble (Glinda inspired) would make everything – groceries, luggage, your existential dread – basically weightless. Floating things are cool, and I deserve this.
The Dream Recorder
Dreams are weird, but remembering them is way too hard. The Dream Recorder would save them as videos so I could rewatch and figure out why I was fighting an alligator in a wedding dress.
Automatic Email Unsender
Sometimes I hit “send” when I really shouldn’t. The Automatic Email Unsender would let me delete that regret-filled email from everyone’s inbox, saving me from spiralling into a shame vortex. Genius.
Would these inventions make life lazier? Yes. Would I love them anyway? Absolutely. Until science catches up with my dreams, I guess I’ll keep lifting my own pizza and pretending I’m okay with it.