Is technology making us smarter or lazier? Is climate change the biggest threat to humanity? Were Ross and Rachel really on a break?
It’s been almost three decades since Ross yelled the words ‘We were on a break’, and they have maintained their place as one of the most pivotal moments in television history. It is a philosophical talking point of pop culture. Everyone has their opinion, whether you are brave enough to voice it or not is entirely different. Join me in dissecting the debate which has refused to die, despite the show ending over twenty years ago, and unravel this relationship riddle to see whether Ross and Rachel were ever really on a break.
Let’s start by taking it back to Season 3, Episode 15, ‘The One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break’, where it is their anniversary. After previously indulging in his superiority as a professor whilst his girlfriend was a waitress, Ross struggles to adapt to a world where Rachel finally has a job she is enjoying, working in fashion. He crosses boundary after boundary, making her feel guilty for doing something she is good at, whilst trying to disguise his insecurity over Rachel’s work colleague, Mark. ‘Maybe we should just take a break’, she offers to a bewildered, heartbroken Ross, who storms off, gets drunk, and proceeds to sleep with ‘the hot girl from the copy place’, called Chloe. The next morning, Rachel visits Ross to get back on track with their relationship, unaware of the one-night stand still in the apartment. When she eventually finds out, she ends the relationship, triggering the start of a 7-year-on-and-off situation that consumed viewers.
This debate has been ongoing for years, so why bring it up now? Over the weekend, my boyfriend admitted he thought Ross did nothing wrong, suggesting how could Rachel be mad when she was the one who asked for a break. He then continued to say he can guarantee all his friends feel the same, and that so would their friends, and their friends etc. I was both appalled and confused, and this got me thinking, digging and probing for people’s perspectives alongside the opinions of my family, friends, and some extensive reddit rabbit holes.
In order to be totally transparent, I will posit my thoughts. I hate to defend early season Ross, who is bubbling with jealousy and trust issues (stay with me), but on a technicality, yes they were on a break. Rachel said it herself, word for word, multiple times, in other conversations besides hers with Ross, so that is something that can’t be denied.
However, it was an emotionally charged conversation, not the reversal of a legally binding contract encouraging Ross to seek comfort in the first girl’s arms he finds himself in. A break means time to think, reflect, and learn, not the opportunity to flaunt yourself as New York City’s newest bachelor. Was it technically cheating? No. Was it immoral and completely disrespectful? Yes! And even if you don’t think his actions were, what about his reaction? The way he handled the situation was messy and selfish, covering his own back rather than prioritising Rachel’s feelings.
Additionally, it is essential to consider the reasons why they went on this break. Ross proved himself as clingy, overbearing and inconsiderate, a poor boyfriend at the best of times. Was sleeping with someone so swiftly a coping mechanism, perhaps a way to prove he is not as attached as people think? After all, this is the same Ross who spent his highschool years obsessing over Rachel, his sister’s best friend who he deemed way out of his league. His jealousy also penetrates this affair, part of his motivation being his envy of Mark, Rachels male coworker, who he was convinced had a crush on his girlfriend. Whether Mark fancied Rachel or not, that is out of her control, and not a justifiable reason to sleep with another woman merely hours after taking a break.
Neither Ross nor Rachel are perfect. They are both individuals whose flaws seep into their relationship. However, as a girl, it is so frustrating to watch Ross treat Rachel’s hard-earned career as a phase she will grow out of. No matter how much she voiced her passion for her job in fashion, Ross couldn’t accept something else being important to Rachel beside him. Instead of there being a healthy conversation about work-life balance, he found it hard to empathise with his ambitious girlfriend dedicating time to her career, and subsequently, they went on a break.
Scientists have gravity. Historians have revolutions. And sitcoms fans have Ross and Rachel. Ultimately, yes the two were on a break. What this meant remained unclear to Ross, yet his actions and subsequent reactions amount to a series of disrespectful and selfish choices, charged by envy and insecurity. Your opinions may be different, which is okay, everybody defines love, loyalty, and the rules of temporary separation differently! However, let this be a lesson to have clear-cut communication in relationships. Setting boundaries between partners is essential: you are two individuals with two separate lives and ambitions. This doesn’t need to spark a seven-year on-and-off situationship, and become an eternal question for viewers.