Have you ever ended up going out with your best friend? Anyone who has knows that often the initial joy of the new relationship is somehow clouded by the fear that the relationship will inevitably ruin your friendship. This fear is made all the more terrifying when the relationship you are entering into considered “taboo”. The so-called “taboo” nature of my relationship is something I and many others have had to struggle with and one open to a great deal of debate. What constitutes a “taboo” relationship? Why should a relationship be deemed “taboo” when for those involved it feels entirely natural?
M and I had been best friends for three years; we were in sixth form together, spoke every day and somehow managed to become even closer despite moving away to different universities. I’d been seeing R since I was fifteen – he was kind, sweet and in everybody’s eyes the ‘perfect boyfriend’. It was obvious that he worshipped the ground I walked on and that he would never hurt me – but somehow his alleged ‘perfection’ only resulted in an exceedingly lacklustre relationship. M was the complete opposite: funny, complicated and adventurous and yes, she drove me up the wall sometimes, but that’s what I had always loved about her – she was passionate about everything. I knew then that this was more than friendship but I struggled with the massive taboo surrounding our relationship: M and I were both girls.
Today, there is a great deal of media coverage praising gay relationships between men; just look at Elton John and David Furnish. And yes, admittedly someone such as Ellen Degeneres does a wonderful job in representing the lesbian celebrity – but, as ever, it still remains a pretty taboo subject in our day-to-day society. Only recently, has it been reported that Jessie J’s record label insisted she state she is ‘bisexual’ to the press so as to ensure that she does not alienate her potential record buyers. Should Jessie J really have to conceal her true feelings to the world? In the twenty-first century, should her sexuality really affect her reception as a musician? With coverage of this kind surrounding the gay or lesbian community, it is no wonder these types of relationships are often perceived as taboo.
The transition from friendship to relationship is never easy. To tell someone you are in love with them is not only scary, but exposing especially when that love defies the social norms. However, a word of advice to all those dealing with a “taboo”: stop focusing on the outside world’s perspective of your relationship and begin focusing on the relationship itself. If it makes you happy then is it really wrong? Stop punishing yourself and start enjoying that the relationship irrespective of other people’s perception of it. Interestingly, the Greeks seemed to understand (unlike many journalists today) that there are many different ways in which you can love someone. If this notion was accepted gazillions of years ago, why can’t it be in society today? Following the example of the Greeks (they were, after all, the founders of true love), HCX think you’ll find the transition from ‘agape’ to ‘eros’ love will be surprisingly smooth once you fully embrace your feelings for what they are and allow yourself to be happy.
If people followed the Greeks in celebrating love of any kind, be it heterosexual or homosexual, perhaps the taboos surrounding different kinds of love would not be so influential? We all know “The course of true love never did run smooth”, so do not suppress your feelings through fear that you will not be accepted for not conforming to the social norms of society. Embrace your feelings and help to show the world that love is not a two-dimensional thing, only permitted to heterosexuals. After all, you can’t help who you fall in love with and so this should be celebrated- be it a boy or a girl…