There’s lots of conversations about what happens during sex, but there doesn’t seem to be too many conversations or information about sex aftercare. The term ‘sex aftercare’ refers to how you and your partner support each other after you’ve had sex. It’s normal to feel tired, drained, exposed, vulnerable or full of energy from sex and it can leave us feeling all sorts of emotions, since we’ve just been very vulnerable with another person. By practicing sex aftercare it offers an opportunity to further deepen your relationship with your partner. Moreover, sex aftercare should be thought of as part of having sex with your partner. It definitely shouldn’t feel like a chore and I think that it is ultimately essential for a healthy relationship. The point of sexual aftercare is that both you and your partner feel safe and seen, and is an open opportunity for you to discuss how you’re feeling.
Aftercare is for everyone
There seems to be a stigma that sexual aftercare is just for those with certain kinks, such as those that practice BDSM during sex, but that’s simply not the case. Anyone that has sex should have some form of sexual aftercare, since aftercare considers your physical, mental and emotional needs. Additionally, after you’ve had sex with your partner, you experience a drop in the levels of some hormones after you’ve shared an intense experience with your partner. Some people experience anxiety, feelings of shame or mixed emotions after sex and it’s important you vocalise your feelings, to feel safe and heard. By practicing sexual aftercare, it helps to ease the drop of hormones that you’re experiencing and helps people to consolidate their experiences.
Physical Sexual Aftercare
After you’ve finished having sex, probably one of the first things you’ll want to do is tend to your body. This means you need to rehydrate since you will have lost plenty of body fluids. You will also want to urinate to prevent a UTI. For people that have vaginas you may want to take whatever measures you usually do to avoid irritation or yeast infections that you might be especially prone to, which could be in the form of having a shower. By cleaning yourself and any toys that have been used, this helps to lessen the risk of infection in any form.
Once you’ve done the immediate cleaning up, you may want to have calming drink such as a tea, have a snack or order a takeaway.
It’s important to note that some people may want space and time apart from each other after sex. Others may want to continue the physical touch by cuddling or kissing. If one partner likes to have their own space and the other person wants physical touch, it’s important to try and manage both of these needs, so someone doesn’t get hurt.
Mental and Emotional Sexual Aftercare
Physical aftercare influences your mental and emotional aftercare, and vice versa. But all three factors are equally important.
Mental and emotional aftercare might take the form of talking about what you’ve just experienced together and giving each other compliments. Or it might just be being in each other’s company while watching a movie or listening to music, there are lots of ways to support each other after having sex.
People’s Sexual Aftercare Routines
It’s perfectly normal that different people have different aftercare routines and it’s important to find a routine that works for both you and your partner. Some people like to have a strict routine and others like it to be more fluid and engage with their needs and desires at that very moment.
Sexual aftercare is important for everyone, but especially those who have experienced sexual assault. Having sex as a sexual assault survivor can be especially triggering, and survivors may become distant during or after sex. By practicing aftercare, it allows survivors to be in a safe and supportive environment, which is especially needed when they have experienced a moment of vulnerability and may have been triggered.
Conclusion
By understanding why sexual aftercare is important, it allows you to look after both parties by honouring everyone’s needs. Sex aftercare looks different for everyone, but having a routine and knowing what you need and want after sex is important to looking after yourself, when you have just experienced a moment of vulnerability. The most important thing is that you and your partner look after each other and let your needs be met. By practicing sexual aftercare, it can only strengthen your relationship, both physically and emotionally, and let’s you both have that moment of feeling safe and protected, whether you need it or not.