As a self-confessed Christmas fanatic who longs for tis-the-season-to-be-jolly all the other eleven months of the year, when I heard about the Love Actually with Live Orchestra tour way back in mid-September, I ached to go. Regardless of the fact we were in the throes of autumnal bliss with term having only just begun and naïve optimism about my final year was in the air: it was a white Christmas to the tune of Craig Armstrong’s highly acclaimed soundtrack in my mind.
I’m the first to admit that Love Actually is not a perfect film – first and foremost with its questionable gender-stereotyping and objectification of the female body; Natalie, you are perfect and your body does not need to be legitimised by the patriarchal smear of approval, and also whilst I’m here, David’s “redistribution” of you is indefensible and sadly relevant in the wake of the current sexual-harassment in the workplace scandals. Also, it is impossible to ignore the unfortunate parallels between the current U.S President and his film counterpart. There are plenty more criticisms where that came from, but I will put them aside for a moment to celebrate what the film is principally successful in: encouraging us to appreciate the ones we love at Christmas time, and to a rather cracking soundtrack at that.
As the lights dimmed, I was suddenly very aware that I had never seen Love Actually on a big screen before, having only been seven years old when it made its debut, and I was filled with excitement – not least because some of my teenage heart-throbs were about to be magnified (Colin Firth I’m looking at you…although mostly because I’m eyeing up your chic turtleneck collection, gimme). However, with the start of the overture I was mesmerised into total silence and sat transfixed by the elegiac playing of the string instruments which culminated with the piano, brass instruments and percussion to reach the soul invigorating crescendo of Armstrong’s genius score.
If it isn’t obvious already, although a lover of classical music (shoutout to my Dad for playing Classic FM and not much else throughout my whole childhood) I am not a musical scholar in the least and apologise for the generalness of my analysis. Yet, I can confidently say that without a doubt, the beauty of the orchestra heightened the more intense parts of the film and totally overwhelmed my senses. The whole event was executed with total perfection, with the following seven moments being of particular note:
“Oh! F*ck, wank, bugger, sh*tting arse head and hole!”
Arguably one of the most iconic scenes in Christmas cinematic history: Billy Mack’s curse-loaded rendition of “Christmas Is All Around”. We were subjected to the film’s original acoustics whilst Bill struggled to grapple with the reinvention of Wet Wet Wet’s classic hit, right up until his third attempt when he sings the correct lyrics. It was at this point that the orchestra chimed in in celebration and the audience broke into rapturous applause. Third-time’s a charm, Bill.
“No surprises?” oh Peter, you naïve sweet thing, you don’t even know the half of it.
Who doesn’t love a Christmas wedding? It’s here where we get our first glimpse of narratives colliding, as well as best man Mark’s creepy filming (not ok with that by the way). When it came to the special moment in which Lynden David Hall sings “All You Need Is Love” with such purity, members of the orchestra stood up to play their instruments alongside their film counterparts. Cue that warm fuzzy feeling only certain rom-coms induce.
“I had an awful premonition I would f*ck up on the first day.”
The PM’s Love Theme was played with such great exaltation by the orchestra that Hugh Grant emerging from his private car outside Number 10 nearly brought a tear to my eye. However, I think more than anything else this scene reminded me about the current state of British politics so it is likely that my emotional state was more about the Brexit negotiation. Either way, the music was beautiful.
“I look quite pretty!” Yes, you do Keira Knightley, I am a potato compared to you.
Putting aside the questionable ethics behind Mark’s voyeuristic filming of Juliet at her own wedding (“self-preservation” is not an acceptable excuse), the orchestra’s playing of the Glasgow Love Theme made my heart feel like it was breaking in two whilst watching the agony of Mark’s unrequited love etched on his face. Sad times.
“You know, there’d better not be eels in here. I can’t stand eels.”
Ah yes, Colin Firth using a typewriter to write his crime novel … in 2003…outside…in December. But he’s in France so c’est la vie. When the papers inevitably blow away we are treated to a rather amusing scene which was made so much better by the orchestra’s exquisite rendition of the Portugese Love Theme.
“Ready in the flashiest of flashes.”
Although this is widely regarded as one of the funniest scenes in the whole film, it was arguably one of the most nerve-wracking thanks to the tense twanging of the live orchestra. I’ve seen this movie a good many times but never has my heart beat so fast watching Rowan Atkinson gift wrap.
“Let’s go get the sh*t kicked out of us by love.”
Again, the PM’s Love Theme heightens the moment in which the adorable young Sam chases through the airport to make his love known to Joanna. Tears, so many tears. Also, Rufus, aka Rowan Atkinson, sneakily enabling Sam to get through without a boarding pass cements him as the real hero of this movie.
All in all, it was a wonderful night watching Love Actually with a live orchestra on the big screen with hundreds of others. Together we laughed, cried and (hopefully) all raised our eyebrows in criticism of the casual sexism at play. It may not be a perfect film, but it does have a perfect soundtrack and I am in total awe at the immense talent of those who played for us. Thank you, thank you and thank you!