Dating is a tricky minefield of emotions and finding someone you genuinely connect with is never easy, but it’s something that, deep down, we all want. Sometimes we want it so badly that we convince ourselves we like someone, when really, we just like the idea of liking them. So how can you tell? We at Her Campus have jotted down some sure fire questions to ask yourself when you’re doubting your attraction to someone.
1. Are you compatible?
Do your values, interests, and opinions align? You can quickly figure this out by asking a few simple questions, like ‘if you could have one wish, what would it be?’, or ‘what do you value most in a person?’. These also double as great ice-breakers on a first date! Think about what sort of things might act as ‘deal-breakers’ for you, and don’t be afraid to cut things off pretty early-on if one of them comes up, you’ll only be saving yourself (and them) a lot of time and effort in the long run.
2. Are you comfortable?
Do you enjoy spending time with them? Do you leave dates feeling genuinely happy and satisfied? If the conversation flows smoothly, and you find spending time with them simple and easy, then it’s usually a good sign that you like this person for who they are. What about physical contact? Do you feel comfortable touching them? Is it awkward when they touch you? Not sure? Test it out! A simple hug at the end of a date, or a touch of their arm is a good way to see how physically comfortable you are with one another.
3. Are you happy?
If the first two questions haven’t triggered any red flags, then it’s time to delve a little deeper into your emotions. It can be helpful to do this with a friend or someone you trust, for some emotional support and helpful advice.
Think about why you’re in this relationship, are you afraid of being alone? Tons of people suffer from feelings of loneliness but forcing yourself into a loveless relationship won’t help in the long-run. If you decide you are feeling lonely, joining a new society or chatting to more people on your course can be much more effective solutions and don’t forget you can always contact Nightline or Student Wellbeing at Exeter if these feelings are troubling you.
Still not sure if you’re in this relationship for the right reasons? Try asking yourself ‘am I comfortable with the thought of being single?’. Think about how you feel when you’re not in a relationship, do you associate being in a relationship with feeling happy and valued as a person? If the answer is yes, then you might need to re-think your mindset about relationships and consider whether you’re only with your partner to avoid being single (remember, you don’t have to do this alone! Reach out to a trusted friend, or Wellbeing services on campus!)
4. Finally…
After everything I’ve said above, I think it’s really important for me to stress that relationships take time, and it’s normal to feel a little awkward or uncomfortable at first. If you’re not one-hundred percent into it after a couple of dates then don’t panic! Give yourself time to really get to know this person and decide where to go from there. In the meantime, make sure you have somebody available to talk about your feelings, good and bad.
Whatever you decide, know that you don’t need a partner to make you happy, dating should be a fun and enjoyable experience, and you deserve to be happy. Don’t worry if you haven’t found a special someone just yet, and above all don’t shove the wrong person into your life to fill a gap that really isn’t there. So as Valentine’s Day 2019 fast approaches, focus on finding someone who loves you for you, and who you love for them.