Valentine’s Day is unequivocally a beautiful celebration of love. I want to make it clear I am not ‘anti-Valentine’s gal’ nor am I particularly cynical of love. I’m probably one of the most hopeless romantics there is. I practically live and breathe rom-coms and all things romance. But, when you’re feeling insecure about being single for Valentine’s and the period surrounding this holiday (aka ‘Cuffing Season’), it’s easy to become resentful and upset.
The truth is if you’re not secure or confident in your singledom, then Cuffing Season can be lonely. And I completely empathise with that. Often, as a single person myself, I have internalised a lot of negative stereotypes surrounding singledom and have consistently put myself down for not being able to find someone à la Bridget Jones. This isn’t an easy feeling and it definitely is not easy to deal with during this holiday.
So this article’s about embracing the attitude of ‘I Can Buy Myself Flowers’, the self-love anthem of 2023 by my idol Miley Cyrus, and trying to find ways to feel more comfortable and content being single during this holiday. If Valentine’s Day and Cuffing Season is taken to be a celebration of love, then there’s no reason why it can’t be your celebration of self-love. That’s why I’ve compiled suggestions for each love language that can act as a self-love substitute for romantic love.
Words of Affirmation
An obstacle that Cuffing Season can pose is personal insecurity, especially for those who wish to be affirmed by another. If you’re single and feeling down about yourself it’s important to reach out. The thing is, even if you don’t feel like this at all, you’re more than likely very wonderful.
Validation can be found by reaching out to family and friends. If you’re feeling particularly sensitive, then you can ask them to list five reasons why you make them happy and add to their lives, and obviously do the same back to them. It’s important to realise just how great you are! And your family and friends can help you realise this. Or, if you want to validate yourself, you can make a list of the things you love about yourself. Either way, you can reclaim Cuffing Season and make it about embracing and loving yourself.
Something that may also help is making an empowerment playlist or a cheesy love song playlist if that’s more your style. This is perfect for you to have your very own personal bedroom concert with yourself and your friends as the line up to songs of your choice. This is a way of expressing yourself and taking time to affirm yourself through cringe dance moves and terrible (well at least if you’re anything like me when you sing) vocals.
Taking the time to get comfortable with yourself and make light of Cuffing Season is essential if you’re feeling down. Plus, trying to take yourself less seriously helps with confidence and self-esteem in the long run too.
Acts of Service
For those of you who crave another doing something kind for you, it might be beneficial to be kind to yourself and do some things that make you happy during this holiday. Something I do when I’m feeling low is take a trip to my local Waterstones. I’d say there’s something so homely and comforting about being in a bookshop of any kind. Though, I often fall victim to the trap of buying Jane Austen hardbacks a bit too frequently… so do be aware of this!!
Self-care and self-service can take whatever form works best for you. There are so many guides out there that try to instruct you on how to self-care properly. Though, I feel this is all entirely dependent on the individual. Take yourself out somewhere of your choice and spoil yourself in whatever form you like.
This doesn’t even have to involve anything money-related either. You can take yourself on a self-care walk and get outside. Whatever makes YOU feel better. Or, you can invest in making time for yourself at home. You can make yourself a lovely dinner or enjoy a nice long bath accompanied by Lush products perhaps. It’s important to do what you need to make yourself feel special this ‘Cuffing Season’.
Gifts
Those who are less opposed to spending money and value gifts from another can invest in some Valentine’s gifts for themselves as a form of self-care and self-love. As the title of this article suggests, you can buy yourself your flowers or gifts this Cuffing Season. Whether this means splashing out on some lavish jewellery or investment clothing pieces or just treating yourself to your favourite chocolate or ice cream, this is a brilliant way of spoiling yourself and allowing yourself to feel worthy of receiving gifts.
You deserve to treat yourself in whatever way suits you this Valentine’s and there’s something so sentimental about a gift of any kind. Every time you think of what you’ve invested in, you will be reminded of its significance in your self-love journey.
Quality Time
If you value spending quality time with another, then spending time with friends can’t be understated here. You could arrange friend ‘dates’, spend time with friends in a less structured and spontaneous way or just call your friends when you’re feeling low. If you surround yourself with positivity and people who support you, your mind will not be too focused on the fact you’re not spending time with a romantic interest.
If you and your friends are hopeless romantics, then you could always make this time Valentine’s themed, i.e. by spending time watching classic romance movies or rom-coms. The Notebook, Notting Hill and Love, Rosie are some of my faves. I’m basic, I know. There are so many ways you can feel loved and not have to be in a romantic relationship per se.
Alternatively, you could own Cuffing Season as being a season about channelling a new version of yourself by spending time getting to know yourself. You could go about trying something completely new to distract yourself from all the sappy love stuff surrounding this season.
You don’t just have to be passive, you can take an active role this season to learn or try something new. Whether this is taking up a new hobby, taking up learning a new language or taking up a new sport. Any new skill will help you to stop thinking about romantic love and act as a form of self-care, especially when you become more competent at it.
Physical Touch
If you’re envious of all the PDA you’re seeing on social media, then it may be worth taking steps to reduce your use of social media during this time. I would instead say limit your use of social media this season and only use it when it’s aiding and not detracting from your mental well-being. If it’s helping you connect with others, then this is a great thing. But if it’s hurting your feelings, then take time out from it. Taking time off and knowing when to look after yourself is the ultimate form of self-love.
With all that being said, there are plenty of ways to channel Miley Cyrus and buy yourself flowers, both literally and metaphorically speaking, this Cuffing Season. If you’re feeling down or lonely this February, it’s worth trying the above to see which of them may work for you. There’s no single answer to overcoming these feelings during this period, but it’s worth investing in taking time to properly take care of yourself and put yourself first.