Okay, so you’ve met a hottie, you’ve been on several amazing dates, maybe even slept together, and you even let them onto your Netflix account. But after all this, how do you actually know if this is going to lead somewhere? There’s obviously no one way to have this conversation, and it is a conversation that is regarded by many of us as a dreaded conversation. But fear not, this article goes through some of the do’s and don’ts that you can follow if you want to have this conversation soon.
1. Be Straightforward
It’s important to be honest and straightforward about what you want. You absolutely should not feel ashamed if you want something more serious than what the other person is willing to give you. Particularly in a heterosexual relationship, women can be made to feel like that if they want something serious, they can be seen as demanding. It is so much better to be honest, and not waste your time on someone else who is not planning on putting the time of day into you and the potential relationship. Additionally, it can be attractive to the other person by knowing what you want rather than being uncertain.
2. Avoid the ‘Just Having Fun’ Phrase
Many casual daters will throw the phrase at you, ‘I’m just enjoying have fun with you’. Now, this by no means makes them a bad person, but if that is not what you want, you need to make it clear to them. It’s important to remember that ‘having fun’ or any other variation that they might throw at you, does not mean that in a week they suddenly want to have a committed relationship with you. ‘Having fun’ can also subtly be code for staying in the same place as you currently are. If this isn’t what you want, then don’t settle for less, because at the end of the day if you do, you’re likely to get more hurt than they will.
3. Set a Time Limit for them to Commit
Now I know this sounds like you’re placing pressure on them, but you’re actually not. If their response to this conversation is something like ‘I’m not sure what we are yet’, you can respond with something like ‘that’s okay and I understand. But if we still don’t know what this is say a month from today, we should just be friends.’ With these conversations, it is integral to put yourself first and look after yourself. If you’re more ready than the other person, then it probably isn’t meant to be. There’s no point hanging around and waiting for them to say ‘I’m ready’, because they may never be ready. As much as it may hurt, putting yourself first will save a lot of pain and worry. It also makes you self-confident as you know what you want.
4.Don’t Change Their Mind
Once they tell you what they want and what they are looking for, whatever you do, do not change their mind and just accept their decision. If they don’t want what you want or to not continue then the best and probably most mature thing you can do is to show that you’re capable of moving on. Convincing them to change their mind won’t do either of you any good, and shows you’re hurting from their decision. If you want to get upset or emotional, do it after you have seen them. Look after yourself, and put yourself as a priority. There’s no point being with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you, because they won’t put you first or even look after you.
These four suggestions are by no means a rule book that you should follow, but are simply some suggestions. What you should take away from this article, is that you should put yourself first and figure out what you want, because you’ll become more self-confident and won’t be wasting your time on people who are unsure as to what they want.