How To Handle His Crazy Ex

She is everywhere. EVERYWHERE. At first it was something you laughed about because you wanted to seem like the Cool Laidback Girlfriend who wasn’t easily fazed. A couple of needy texts can be shrugged off. But when she starts turning up at the same cinema feigning surprise (‘Oh, you guys are seat 24A?! What are the chances, I’m right behind you!) you know this isn’t a problem that can be fought with the sheer power of your indifference.

The problem is, your boyfriend is just too nice to tell her to crawl into a hole and never emerge again. He will bat away your exclamations that she is absolutely mental. A psycho ex ’bumped into’ my friend having a cosy, candle-lit dinner with her boyfriend. What was meant to be a quick chat turned into her dragging a chair over to join them for the entirety of the dinner, staying long enough to order desert. And then coffee. What is most worrying though, is not that she was flirting with said boyfriend. Oh, no. She was staring at my friend with (a direct quote) ‘pure murder’ in her eyes while hacking away vigorously at her bloody steak. When my friend recounted this to her boyfriend he just laughed fondly and told her it was nothing. Safe to say she double checked the locks on all the windows and doors that night.

A bit of gentle physical threatening is a walk in the park, however, compared to another case of the psycho ex, this time a friend at Manchester, where the girl refused to acknowledge they had ever broken up. She had a fun little habit of wrenching my friend and her boyfriend apart when they were kissing and demanding to know who this other girl was. Once, happily, at her surprise birthday party. In front of her parents. And all her relatives. Who had flown over from Greece.

There is being understanding, and then there is blind faced denial. Do not let it get to this stage. As hard as it may be to admit there’s a problem – especially when it’s blaring at you in capitals in a text (’YOU STOLE HIM FROM ME AND FOR THIS YOU WILL PAY’) – you have to confront it. More importantly, he has to confront it. A curious perk of the psycho ex – she is strangely receptive to anything your boyfriend says. After all that dithering, if he just gently breaks it to her that she should probably keep her distance for a bit; chances are, she actually might. So tell him to man up and tell her to go away. Fingers crossed. And if that doesn’t work, dangle your fittest friend as bait to serve as her latest potential obsession. Just don’t forget, when you’re convincing him to go to the blind date, to stress what a fun, chilled out girl she is.

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