“Who did this to you?” This pivotal moment in a book, where once fierce enemies finally succumb to their simmering romance, is just one of the many beloved tropes we find ourselves revisiting time and time again. It’s a classic, but it still manages to get us all swooning. BookTok has significantly impacted the romance genre, with viral trends that highlight these tropes driving a surge in novels featuring them. This prompts the question: are these enchanting stories elevating our relationship standards? It seems that real-life romance pales in comparison to the passionate love we encounter in books. However, perhaps we shouldn’t base our expectations on these specific tropes. Is it healthy to expect a brooding man to fall head over heels in love with us simply because of what we’ve read?
The enemies-to-lovers trope is a staple on BookTok, and for good reason – it’s a captivating narrative that many, including myself, adore. But should we be seeking this dynamic in our own romantic lives? While it’s tempting to romanticise the idea of a relationship beginning with animosity and evolving into love, it’s worth considering whether this is a realistic or desirable path for personal relationships. The push-and-pull dynamic between the characters, with readers fawning over every lingering stare, every hint of concern, and the eventual explosion of chemistry and passion, promotes the idea that conflict in a relationship is just the build-up of romantic tension when, in reality, it may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
A similar trope, the grumpy-sunshine dynamic, has gained immense popularity. Here, the cold-hearted, mysterious male character has his unemotional heart melted by a bright, vibrant love interest. This often results in the familiar phrase, “I can fix him”, a mindset which is common in real-life relationships. The notion of having to ‘fix’ your partner is one that should not be encouraged. Is it truly healthy to try to alter someone to meet your expectations? More often than not, this narrative leads to disappointment and heartbreak. Love should be about mutual growth rather than reshaping someone to fit an ideal.
The Book Boyfriend phenomenon has taken over BookTok, with fictional men such as Rhysand from A Court of Thorns and Roses and Xaden Riorson from Fourth Wing being praised for their “if he wanted to, he would” attitude. While these characters’ grand actions make us swoon, would they translate well into real life? An overly protective man might appear romantic on paper, but, in reality, this possessiveness could blur the line between passion and toxicity. These star-crossed lover tropes set unrealistic expectations and suggest that love must be accompanied with high stakes and dramatic tension. That being said, perhaps there is merit in the high expectations these characters inspire in us, reminding us of the kind of treatment and respect we deserve in a relationship. It’s a call to action not to settle for anything less. These romantic gestures and passionate declarations of love serve as a reminder that love should be thrilling and exciting. It’s a positive thing that we maintain our high standards when dreaming of the love we experience in books.
Romantasy is a fast-growing genre, with bestsellers like A Court of Thorns and Roses, The Serpent and the Wings of Night and Powerless dominating BookTok. The genre blends romance with fantasy, setting high expectations and exploring power dynamics between dark, ruthless warriors who can only be tamed by their love interest. These narratives offer readers an escape into enchanting worlds where dramatic love stories unfold with life-or-death stakes. The ‘fated mates’ trope is very prominent in romantasy and presents love as a destined and inescapable force. However, what does this imply about real-life relationships? While we are familiar with the idea of ‘the one’, compared to the fantastical narratives we read, it might all seem painfully ordinary. Yet, perhaps there’s a silver lining in our dreams of magical romances. Why shouldn’t we aspire for such gestures and devotion in our personal lives? After all, these elements don’t require magic, they simply require a willingness to love boldly and passionately.
Ultimately, the blurred lines between fiction and reality may shape our expectations of love but it is crucial to remember that romance should be both exciting and fulfilling. We don’t need the perfect book boyfriend, but we do deserve a touch of magic in our relationships. Passion and emotional growth aren’t exclusive to fantastical fiction. Just because real-life romance doesn’t come with epic battles or fated prophecies doesn’t mean it isn’t meaningful. Every relationship faces challenges, even if they are not life-or-death situations. Whether it’s through the words on a page or the experiences in our personal lives, we should not settle for ordinary when extraordinary is within reach.