As a fresher, everyone warns you of certain aspects of uni life. The larger workload, the impossibility of budgeting (where you will find yourself making lunch out of last week’s semi-mouldy doner kebab) and the danger of strawpedo-ing more than 5 VKs, unless you want a tally on the Chunder Chart. Yet what family and friends fail to mention is that Uni Boys are a totally different species to School Boys, which becomes evident on a night out.
This is where we step in. After two months of extensive research at Timepiece and Arena, we have come up with a comprehensive list of some of the guys a fresher will meet on a night out…
1. Mr Let-Me-Give-You-Some-Advice.
This guy thinks he is the Dumbledore of the university world. He looks down on you with a condescending stare, leaning cockily against the bar as he rambles on about when you should start looking for houses, what societies you should have joined and to remember that ‘first year doesn’t count’.
2. The Rebounder
It can be hard to distinguish between a lad with a capital L and a guy on the rebound. However, the tell-tale sign is usually that a Rebounder will be incessantly checking his phone, drunkenly yelling at his friends that “Carly means nothing to me anymore!!!” and, ultimately, has no real interest in you. Steer clear.
3. Mr Let’s-Do-Shots
He’s charming, he’s funny and – best of all – he is willing to buy you shots at Timepiece. But every shot of Sambuca has an invisible string attached to it, and he will make you feel guilty for not paying him back. You may be inclined to make up for it in other ways… which is probably what he was hoping to begin with! Our advice is: buy your own shots. He isn’t worth it.
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4. The Wingman
You catch the eye of a really cute guy who makes your heart go as fast as a car on Top Gear. Suddenly he starts walking towards you and you get excited, thinking that you are about to meet your future husband. Unfortunately, he is more interested in your hot friend (sigh…). But every cloud has a silver lining and you at least get to chat to his wingman, who – albeit less attractive – is often way funnier and a better laugh.
5. Mr Shy Guy
He’s usually surrounded by really loud guy friends, so he seems constantly intimidated and a bit unsure of himself. If you get him on his own he can be really sweet. Plus, when you both decide to go for the 5 Jaeger Bombs for £10 deal at Timepiece, you’ll find that he is actually less shy than he would originally appear. Basically, he is a babe and a half – all he lacks is a little confidence.
6. Creepy Touchy Feely Guy
Why do some guys think it’s OK to touch you and pull on your hair to get your attention?! It really puzzles me why they think that we would find this attractive – “Oh, you just pinched my bottom, I must have you now” is a statement that I have never heard.
7. The Knight in Shining Jack Wills
He just wants to do ‘the right thing’, which may include giving you a bucket of water because you are clearly a drunk skunk. Or if you are stumbling around with vomit on your chin, he will be the one to call you a cab and make sure you get home safely. Who said that chivalry is dead…
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