TW; mention of eating disorders, weight, calories and harmful behaviours around food
There’s a toxic side of the many corners of social media. When I was very unwell with my eating disorder, I found myself stuck scrolling through stingy What I Eat in a Day’s and obsessive workouts on TikTok. These videos were often paired with the phrase or hashtag ‘Food is Fuel’. Now that I’m in recovery, I despise the phrase. It contributes to toxic ideologies that encourage restrictive eating. While talking about food, bodies, and exercise around those with eating difficulties can certainly be a double-edged sword, we can all strive toward a neutral discourse for loved ones who are struggling.
Of course, food actually is fuel. Food is essential to actively live. It provides our body with nutrients that energise us for activity, growth, bodily functions, keeping our immune system in check, brain power and so on. In that sense, food is definitely a form fuel. But the problem stems from the associations that have been linked with it, like the gym. Food, or eating food, as fuel has become intrinsically linked with exercise and activity status. Essentially, as an insight into the mind of someone with an eating disorder, I am only entitled to eat X amount of food on days that I am active and need to fuel, while on rest days I should eat less. Maybe that’s not what you might mean, but it has started to perpetuate that food is something to be earned and justified.
Food deserves to be viewed as so much more than just ‘fuel’. It allows us to be social, whether it’s eating with people or even conversing about food (top tip: it’s a cracking conversation starter). Food is the root of so much fun, from the enjoyment to be had of baking food and trying what you created, to being able to learn about different cultures. But at the same time, food is allowed to be not that great. It’s okay to have boring snacks, or to not enjoy a meal and move on from it. Some people, including myself, heavily romanticise eating and hold it in great esteem which comes from the severe restriction of it. A neutral discourse would mean that food doesn’t deserve to have power over anyone, while it is amazing to enjoy it, it is not the be all or end all. Below are a few ways to engage with neutrality around food: what to avoid and how to neutralise it.
1) Food rules
Identify and dismiss them. No one wants to hear about how bad it is to eat after 7pm, or how eating bread with every meal will make you ‘fat’ (let’s also stop using fat as an insult). The most important rule is an individual’s body and what it craves. We do not give our bodies enough credit for how intelligent they are, they know what we need and will sort out the rest! Be ruled by your body!
The next time you’re policed with fad food rules, it’s worth having some comebacks in your pocket. For example, ‘snacking helps regulate my metabolism and aids in rebuilding muscle, I’m choosing to listen to what my body needs’ or ‘I’m trying to build a better relationship with food so I’d rather we did not talk about food rules’. If you feel armoured to you can challenge and aim to educate people on food rules, but it’s also absolutely fine to walk away from the conversation.
2) Labelling foods as either ‘good’ and ‘bad’ or ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’
There is no such thing as good or bad food, so let’s stop pretending there is. Many people will know that everything is okay within moderation, and sure, for overall health it’s important to include all food
groups in our diets. But sometimes it’s worth nourishing the soul with a doughnut or two. Sometimes we can only afford fast food. And sometimes it’s a matter of convivence, we might not have time to concoct an intricate salad, for example. Good food is what works for an individual at a given time! Labelling a food as either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ might generate feelings of guilt for individuals. If we refrain from characterizing food in this way, food can simply just be eaten without any emotional current attached to it.
Food shaming is usually light-hearted and coated in laughter. You might hear stuff like ‘I’m going to be naughty and have a biscuit’ or ‘I’ve been such a pig eating X amount of food’. It can also sound like ‘Isn’t that really unhealthy/bad for you?’. It might work well to explain your dietary choice, perhaps something like ‘this cake is not an unhealthy choice as I am hungry, and my body is craving it. I think it’s nourishing to listen to my body’ (another tip, it’s a good idea to change healthy/unhealthy to nourishing/not-as-nourishing, as feelings of guilt or high praise can be abandoned). But you can also ask them why they feel the need to comment on your food choices or say reaffirm that you’re trying to heal your relationship with food.
3) Food labels
Avoid talking about food labels, especially mentioning caloric content. A note on calories: Calories are literally a measure of energy, meaning that the more a food has, the more energy you will have. It’s easy to say to not fear calories but remember that you are eating food and not numbers. Your body absorbs and digests every food differently, so calories are actually irrelevant! When I had to stop counting calories, I liked to think of my body as a calorie counter: I listen to my body, to what it needs or craves, and when I’ve had enough calories, I know that it will tell me!
If you’re being lectured on the nutrition labels of your food, I’d highly recommend telling them how boring they are! Who cares about numbers and percentages unless you’re in a math class?
4) Diets
Diets just make people grumpy, which makes for terrible conversation! Unfortunately, diet culture will always exist, but it doesn’t mean that everyone needs to be on one or hear about it. Talking about your diet perpetuates harmful and distressing ideas that certain food groups and body types are wrong. If you decide to put yourself on a diet, that is cool, but no one else has to be as well, nor does it need to be the centre of conversation!
Diets will always find a way to creep into conversations, unfortunately it has become a discussion that people bond over. You might want to be direct and inquisitive about diets as the topic of conversation: ‘It’s like we’re always talking about diets. Did you know how harmful diet culture can be?’. Or you could change the subject: ‘Good for you. Is there anything else interesting in your life?’ If you feel able to you could mention food struggles and ask them not to speak about diets in front of you.
5) Commenting on bodies, especially weight
Be careful when you comment on your own and other bodies, what you think might be a compliment may actually be very harmful. Even comments like ‘wow you look really good since you’ve lost weight’, or vice versa, can be triggering and encourage bad habits. These types of comments equate that a
certain weight is healthier and deserving for validation than the other, which is not true. With weight loss, it is important to be aware that it might have something to do with illness, an eating disorder, or something entirely out of an individual’s control. It’s time to realise that our bodies are the least interesting thing about us, and value our interior. You can never go wrong with personality compliments or saying nothing at all.
Of course, this list is not exhaustive, but it’s a good way to work toward irradicating the toxicity that you may unintentionally be harbouring in this diet-culture-ruled world. If you are struggling with food, you’re not alone. If you feel able to, reach out to people that make you feel safe.
Beat Eating Disorder Charity:
Beateatingdisorders.org.uk
England; 0808 801 0677